Tag Archives: woman

Successful Business Women Push Back

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It’s not through an easy breezy time do you learn the hard lessons. It’s through those challenging moments where it takes everything you’ve got….

And for many of us (stubborn folks like myself) the best way to learn is through trial and error. And I’ve had a lot of…you know…errors. There are so many things I would say if I could talk to the younger version of me. I hope that other women don’t have to wait around until they figure out the answers the hard way.

What I want to say to the younger version of myself about pushing back

There are so many roadblocks in the corporate world and in life. The most successful people are constantly figuring out ways to overcome those challenges, despite how uncomfortable that can be.

There will be no shortage of people who tell you 1. you can’t do that 2. here are all the hard rules why we won’t let you do that.

As a young woman at a job in a big city, when I did make leaps in my career–many times it was by throwing out the standard rules within the corporation. The biggest jumps in my career were through pushing back.

I asked for opportunities I wasn’t perfectly qualified for, I negotiated my salary when I found out about people with the same role making more than me, and I jumped departments to the chagrin of my bosses.

I didn’t have a fallback plan. I was alone in NYC. No trust fund, no husband, no desire to go live with my parents.

I’m currently reading the book Pushback by Selena Rezvani which talks about all the ways women shortchange themselves at work. It also provides some powerful tools for women on how to be better negotiators.

I’ve been listening to a lot of my female friends lately who complain about their situations at work.

They are very unhappy and can’t change the situation because of X, Y and Z. They tell me if they push back they could be fired. Their boss would be mad if they mentioned being disgruntled about salary…and so on and so forth.

I want to inspire women to get angry about the fact that is it possible these women wouldn’t be treated this way if they were male. I want to stress the point here that I don’t hate men, and I don’t believe men are without their share of challenges at work. However I see the stat that women make 77.8 cents to the dollar earned by men in the U.S. Then I hear my friends tell me how unhappy they are, and all the reasons they can’t make the change they want to see in their lives. So many rules, I don’t want to offend so and so, I don’t want to get fired….

Women have recently told me they don’t want to offend their bosses by questioning their pay although they know men with a similar role who get paid tens of thousands more than them. I don’t hear about a lot of men being told they need to be more likeable at work.

[Again I will emphasize that I don't hate men, and I don't think they don't have their own challenges. Just ask my boyfriend Jacob.]

The only thing that stops women from getting what they want are themselves.

We need to stop following these “hard rules.” These rules are not so hard once you start to scratch the surface. You reading this blog–you are talented, you are valuable, and you are worthy. So do your homework, keep track of your accomplishments and start telling yourself and the people around you a different story. One of worth.

Women don’t push back enough. Research in the book Pushback proves that a woman’s ability to push back has an astonishingly direct correlation to her success.

That means women who ask for what they want get what they want.

From experience I can tell you you’ll have to be prepared to leave, but most times if you ask for what you want you won’t have to leave. You’ll find that by figuring out your own negotiation style people will respect you more. Here’s what the book had to say:

“What caught my attention most in analyzing my data was the answer to a numerical question. I asked women leaders, “Assuming a woman’s career success equals 100 percent what percentage is accounted for by her effectiveness in negotiating and pushing back?….The executives I met with felt, on average, that a full 60 percent of a woman’s career success hinges on her pushback skills.”

I am telling you, THIS IS YOUR LIFE. We don’t know what happens after this life. As far as science tells us this is YOUR ONE KNOWN SHOT to design your life into the most amazing experience possible. Seize the day.

That means you (ladies) need to take the reins of your life. You are directing the show. This is YOUR time to take control of YOUR LIFE and make the changes you want to see.

Turn off that Disney reel in your head. A man will not come in on a horse and buggy and take you off to cindarella-land.

The higher-ups at work don’t go to sleep at night thinking of how they can improve your quality of life. This is up to YOU!

Go get it girl. Make it happen!

And if you want to join my community join other women who are navigating the same journey at Project Enough!

How the Modern Woman Lives Gracefully

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There are still days when I lose myself. I don’t have the control over my mind that I find easy on other days. My thought bubbles start leaking oil….

“I should be thinner”
“I’m not wearing the right outfit”
“Do I really seem like a career woman?”
“Do I have enough money in the bank?”
“That girl is so thin, she must be happy”
“I don’t look very hot today.”

[no I'm not making this up]

Then I stop my mind from this free fall.

I make the mental stretch to change the channel.

Firstly I know that none of these things make me happy, and none of these things (that I was telling myself I lacked) define who I am. Secondly I remember you can never assume anything about anyone else. Thirdly, I remember that what you focus on grows, and if you come from a “have not” frame of mind you’re not going to realize the big dreams you have for yourself.

As this channel change happens, I remind myself of who I am and what I have and what I stand for today. I remind myself that I am different and that’s what makes me special. I remember I do not value what mainstream society’s marketing values. Then I start to celebrate all the things that make me different.

Here are some of my thoughts on where modern “Grace” doesn’t come from. [It's "modern" because I am re-writing my own rules on valuable traits, because I am not a fan of the value set my society has marketed to me].

1. Grace doesn’t come from looking like someone else.

2. Grace doesn’t come from being 10 pounds lighter.

3. Grace doesn’t come from having a certain job title.

4. Grace doesn’t come from having a fancy car.

5. Grace doesn’t come from looking perfect.

6. Grace doesn’t come from having a ring on your finger.

7. Grace doesn’t come from having a perfectly clean house.

8. Grace doesn’t come from behaving like a nice girl all the time.

9. Grace doesn’t come from anything you can hold or wear.

10. Grace doesn’t come from buying a house or apartment.

So now let’s look at where modern “Grace” comes from.

1. Community. Building meaningful relationships based on trust. Friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships–studies show that belonging to a group or community makes people happy. Researchers found that people with strong social connections have less stress-related health problems, lower risk of mental illness, and faster recovery from trauma or illness. As someone who prefers to be alone or in small groups, I need a reminder of this more than anyone. Get out of the house!

2. Spirit. Fighting for what you want in your life, fighting your internal road blocks and a heightened awareness of your own weaknesses so you can prepare for those moments when life throws you a curve ball. The most attractive women I know have immense spirits. They are community builders, they are fixers, they are healers, they are movers (and shakers), they are can-do women. To be traditionally attractive you have to spend a lot of time “taking care of yourself” eg. shopping, nail salons, make-up, hair, exercising….This is the antithesis of building up a big spirit (though I will say exercising makes us happier humans, and more compassionate to others). Just because the incredible marketing engine of our America mostly encourages women to look perfect, rather than be big contributors to their communities, doesn’t mean you have to absorb this message. You can write a different story for yourself. I am slowly and awkwardly doing this for myself, and I feel more alive than I have in years.

3. Compassion. Having a soft heart for others, and a soft non-judgemental heart for yourself will differentiate you as a person. The most compassionate people I know glow with luminosity. None of them look like Gisele Bundchen. What billboard today reads, “Compassion is hot”? I’m going to create one. You cannot be non-judgemental toward others until you stop judging yourself. Remember that when you open your mouth to judge someone else–you’re talking about yourself.

4. Me time. Grace comes from having a quiet mind and spirit. Take time for yourself. Write in your journal, meditate, take a bath, take a swim, dance in your bedroom….but please take time for yourself.

5. Emotional wealth. The most attractive graceful people I know have an immense presence. They have an immense amount of joy that doesn’t come from anything material. You get the sense they are just grateful, easy to please people. I’m working on this one, but I notice the more gentle I am with myself when I look in the mirror or I step on a scale, the happier I feel toward others. I realize for everyone this doesn’t have to do with judging your physical self, but for me this has been a long battle that only now am I starting to win.

What makes you feel graceful? Please share in the comments section below.

Breaking Bread With Your Anxiety

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As I’ve gotten older, I’ve changed the way I “keep the patient comfortable” [as Geenen Roth calls spiritual self-care].

I wish I could tell you that I don’t have moments of panic, anger, sadness or insecurity, but I do. I have moments where I feel panicked. For example “if I don’t buy this one dress I’ll never look the right way for X event.” “If I don’t get to eat this one thing…” “If I don’t get this one email back right away”… and so on and so forth.

I’ve learned how to calm and quiet the little girl inside of me–the little girl who at times doesn’t feel safe.

And because I’ve learned to manage myself without pills or drugs or a large amount of credit card debt, I wanted to share some of these tools with you too.

Name It

If you are feeling anxious, sad, or upset, try asking yourself these questions. Write the answers down in a journal, or just contemplate them during a quiet meditation.

  1. What does the anxiety or fear look like?
  2. Is the anxiety in your throat? Is it in your belly?
  3. How does it feel moving around in your body? Like a tidal wave?
  4. Can you visualize this emotion?
  5. What does she look like?

Break Bread

Sometimes when I’m swimming [and/or meditating] I visualize this physical embodiment of my anxiety.

Similar to many other women, I have a warrior inside of me. She surfaces to protect me when she thinks I’m in harms way. However the warrior will sometimes get in the way of my train of thought. Often she doesn’t help me to clearly see my life–she hinders my view. When asked by someone else to visualize her, I realized she looks like a contestant on masterchef [you can laugh--it is rather funny/bizarre--but I promise this stuff works].

Rather than make her go away by taking anything, or drinking wine or shopping, or spending time with the wrong people, or eating chocolate, I take a good look at her. Then I give her a seat at my dining room table. We break bread. Lastly I visualize sending her to the most lavish, comforting spa I can imagine where she can relax.

source

When she surfaces I know I need to tell her I’m safe, I’m secure–and I send her on her way. This allows me to stay in my power without hurting anyone around me. It allows me to be a gentle wise warrior–with clarity, not clouded by anger.

This is the visual imagery I use to move forward, and triumph over a bad day. I do not have multiple personalities, or anything like that. I’m just a normal woman braving the world trying to be a better human being.

I share these incredibly honest thoughts with you because–while this blog might seem unnecessary or inane to some–if I can inspire one woman out there to take better care of herself, I’ll know I did my job.

Please take care of yourselves out there. Break bread with your anxieties.

Give Yourself a Permission Slip: A Message For Women

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Successful people go do what they know in their heart of hearts is the right thing without a “permission slip.” This permission comes from an internal unshakable belief in themselves.

Women must realize that they will never be given the permission slip they are waiting for. Being liked will not bring success. The media tells women (and society at large) that well-behaved, manicured and quiet women who don’t take up space will be rewarded.

This is a big fat lie. The media continues to tell women that being liked, being pretty and being thin will bring unconditional love. The truth is unconditional love from others starts with unconditional love for oneself. Women need to start a revolution of self-love. When this happens our entire cultural landscape will shift. When women make a radical decision of self-love the media will no longer have the hold over women and girls that it does. The messages that women need to fit into a specific (unachievable) ideal will be obsolete. Advertisers will finally be frowned upon for perpetuating these myths about women in their messaging.

How Women Climb Ladders (Corporate and otherwise)

Often when you do something innovative or new, people resent you for it. You must continue moving forward despite criticism from skeptics–and I promise you there will be people who do not “like” it. Leaders (like Steve Jobs) innovate despite criticism from others.

How can more women start acting like Steve Jobs, and less like Kate Hudson’s character from “How to Lose A Guy In Ten Days”?

Leadership opportunities go to those who step up to lead. No one can make you a leader. You must see yourself as a leader first. I wonder what this world would look like if women stepped up. If women had unshakable belief in their abilities. If women spent their time going after what they wanted instead of obsessing over their looks and who liked them. Today is the day. I hereby grant you permission to go after what you want.

I want women to come home to themselves. I want women to give themselves permission slips to live the lives they want on their own terms. I want women to realize that the princess Disney trope doesn’t bring happiness, wealth or well-being. I want women to slip themselves the permission slip to live outloud.

Five Tips For Women On Boosting Your Confidence

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I am a fan of the type of confidence that is humble; a quiet strength that needs no announcement.

Confidence comes from following a path in step with your passion. Confidence comes from true belief in oneself and one’s work. You know what you are building is powerful–you continue down that path even in the face of skepticism.

Whether you are a female entrepreneur or working your way up the corporate ladder in your job, confidence is essential to moving forward.

Confidence is a funny thing. Some of the most seemingly confident people are actually quite insecure, but have become very good at managing their own fears. While physically looking the part can help, true confidence comes from the inside. It comes from your core. And unshakable confidence is something developed over time (for most of us).

Below are five tips that will help you boost your confidence and help prepare you for any situation.

Five Results-Proven Tips for Female Confidence Building

1. Whisper sweet nothings to yourself. We talk about empathy in the business world, but what about empathy toward ourSELVES?  I encourage you to talk to yourself the way you talk to your favorite pet. How do you react when your pet falls down? Do you swear at your pet? Probably not. That being said, you should be as gentle with yourself as you are with your pet. Or think about how you would talk to a best friend if she were to fall down. It is said that what you believe will eventually come true. If you believe you aren’t enough you won’t go as far. This is true because if you think you aren’t enough you won’t push yourself as far as you would if you thought you could achieve anything. You won’t go for that opportunity, job or guy you think you really deserve. It starts with how you talk to yourself. I want to hear sweet nothings ladies! I want to hear self love from the roof tops!

2. Prepare, prepare, prepare. Confidence comes from preparation. Albert Einstein once said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Let’s use surfing as an example. If you’ve never surfed before, and you take your board out and you can’t stand up–of course your confidence will take a hit. But if you practice on the beach for a while before you go out there, and study up with some other surfers, your confidence levels will improve. You know you’ve got some tools in your surfer belt to be successful. Get it? Make it easier on yourself by heading out to the waves with the right amount of preparation.

3. Move. I honestly don’t know where I would be without the ability to sweat. Probably on a curb somewhere. Every single day I wake up and go move my body. It gets my chemicals flowing and puts me in a positive place. While I try and abstain from talking about exercise on Facebook, the truth is it’s a really important part of my day. I run with my dog Athena constantly. Running is a great way to get rid of toxic energy. Additionally you get some of the best ideas when you’re running. Take your dog if you can. If you hate to run (like my boyfriend does) I don’t care if it’s aerobics, jumping on your bed, or kung-fu–get out of bed and get moving. You will notice how much better you feel about yourself.

4. Follow your passion. When you focus on the aspect of your job that you love you’re enthusiasm will clearly shine through. If you don’t love anything about your job, you should probably quit. Life is too short. When you talk about why you love what you do, and why it’s personally meaningful, people around you start to light up too. That said even if taking out the trash is your favorite part of your job, find one thing that lights you up and talk about it. People are attracted to other people who are lit up!

5. Everything you do, do your best. Do you know people who try hard at everything they do? Some people call this a Type A personality or a perfectionist. I have been called a Type A before, although in no way do I see myself as that. I just can’t stomach the idea of not trying. Trust me there are days when I feel that way and I have to talk myself into trying (harder). We all hate to lose, and winning comes from truly applying your focus to everything you do. You’ve got one chance. Make it count!

What can you add to this list? What helps make you feel confident? Please feel free to comment below and share with me.

Don’t Throw In The Towel, Wrap Your Hair In It

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We all have moments where we feel like throwing in the towel. And during these moments–when we’re feeling vulnerable–it’s easy to conjure up images of what women should do when they’re feeling down-and-out. Three things for me come to mind: chocolate, alcohol and shopping.

The truth about all these short term answers….

Drinking is a depressant–it makes you feel up and then shoots you straight down. What goes up must come down. And shopping when you’re upset can lead to impulse buys and unfortunately for many women in America–credit card debt. All of these things provide short highs and eventually long lows. They simply don’t do what we’re told they should do–make us feel lovely and amazing.

So much of what we’re taught is the answer by the media and advertising is in fact the opposite of the answer. These ephemeral activities don’t leave us emotionally nourished, refreshed or invigorated.

A private moment with a quarter pounder with cheese, a dove chocolate or a tall glass of midori sour doesn’t give us internal nourishment. Real long-term success comes from taking care of our spirits. That includes nourishing our bodies with nutritional food and drink. Additionally financial stability is empowering. Rather than shop save money and invest wisely in your future. So I’m here to set the story straight on how to get yourself out of a rut. I beg you don’t throw in the towel, just take better care of yourSELF.

Kim K. having a great time at a party–probably after a long stressful week at work.
Am I the only San Francisco driver to see this billboard?

I’m not here to berate you about what you eat and drink. I’m here to teach you some simple tools during your dark moment that help you to feel enough. Remember, you’re enough!

Here are six tips you can use for when you’re having a “moment.”

1. Having a tough moment at work? Step outside and take ten deep breaths. Work isn’t the best venue for self-expression. It’s not a good idea to let your boss and your coworkers see you having a bad day (but we’re all human and we all have them). At the same time keeping your feelings at bay for too long will distract you from your work. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling in a safe space. Go outside for a walk, even sneak away to the women’s restroom for a three minute mediation. I don’t care where you can find three minutes of solitude–go find it. Your day depends on it. If you can sneak in a work-out, even better. I work out every day to put myself in a place of gratitude. We were meant to breathe deeply, move and emote. Exercise gets your breathing.

2. Don’t dive into your career stress, take a bath. The funny thing about advertising is we are often taught that when things get stressful, we should reach for a drink. We are taught that a private moment with a chocolate bar is that one panacea that will make us feel strong, competent and happy. The truth is food and alcohol are not the first things women should grab when life gets stressful. A bath can be a wonderful activity that can be nourishing, relaxing and rejuvinating. If you’re feeling like diving into your cabinet to down a box of Madeline cookies, a warm bath (with salts too) will nourish you (and there’s no guilt). Hot baths not only soothe your mind but your muscles too. Hot baths soothe the lungs, heart, stomach and endocrine system by stimulating nerve reflexes on the spinal chord.

3. Allow yourself to feel and process. Women need time to reflect on their lives, their careers and their relationships. There is nothing wrong with letting out a good cry if you need it. Crying helps us release. Crying balances our chemicals. Journaling can also be a great way to stay on top of your moods. By writing down how you feel, you take a load off–even if it’s a note on your iphone or your ipad. Jotting your emotions down can feel amazing.

4. Get a coach or therapist. All too often women don’t have boundaries in their lives. Families and friends cannot always help us in the way that we need. For many millennial women, our moms end up taking on the role of BFF–but at a certain point as women we need to find our own safe space to talk. When women don’t have boundaries in their lives–especially with private information–problems start to happen. By having an objective person like a coach (or even a therapist) you are better able to keep boundaries with your family, your friends and your coworkers. A coach can help you unpack your dreams and goals, and provide a step by step process on how to get there. Encouragement and support is provided along the way. Coaching is not therapy, and therapy is not coaching–however in both venues a woman is provided a private and safe space to vent. All women need a safe space to vent without concern for boundaries. Keep in mind referrals often provide the best coaches and therapists.

5. Write down what you feel proud about. Anything can look like a failure in the middle. Many successful and high achieving women are very hard on themselves. By giving yourself a pat on the back and putting on paper what you’ve accomplished you will have a different perception of where you are. Women have around 60,000 thoughts a day. Can you imagine if even 1/10 of these thoughts were “you’re lovely and amazing and you can do anything”? That’s not the case for too many women. For many women turning the majority of thoughts from a place of fear to a place of yes can be difficult.When you feel good about where you are, your next move will be a positive one. We need more persistent, calm, confident women out there so we start to see the numbers change at the top. Look at all that you’ve accomplished. Write it down. Then keep going!

6. Catch a lack of email etiquette? Back away from the computer.  Ahhh technology. You have made it so easy for us to send quick messages to one another anywhere in the world. But perhaps this is a blessing and a curse. Most people haven’t studied email etiquette, and most people just aren’t very aware of how they come across in an email. How can I emphasize this enough….Get a rude email? Someone offend you by being brief, demanding and demoralizing? Turn off your email. Get out of there. Take a few hours to go away from the computer. Learn to not respond (or postpone responding) to rude messages. Just because someone sends you an email doesn’t mean you need to respond right away. The email offender probably was never taught how to practice email etiquette. This is not about you, it’s about them. This is probably how they talk to themselves–rude, abrupt etc. Be the standard by practicing email etiquette.

Remember, don’t throw in the towel. Take a bath and wrap your hair in it!

Are you in the Bay Area? Join me for a memorable workshop August 11th to “Empower You.”

Athena’s Top Six Suggestions For Being a Successful Female Entrepreneur

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You can’t wake up in a bad mood when an 11 pound ball of furry love and glee pounces on your stomach and lunges to give you too many kisses. Meet Athena, my 24-7 reminder that the world is good and fair and there’s always room for love.

The thing about dogs is they love you no matter what–when your hair looks like a bird’s nest, when you’ve gained weight, when you’re grumpy, when you didn’t pay your Nordstrom bill on time….dogs are truly woman’s best friend.

New age woo woo names

I obviously have a new age woo woo fondness for goddesses as I’ve named my dog [Athena] and my business [Artemis] after them. And you know what? I just prefer to walk on the new age woo woo side of life–because it’s a softer more fun and much funnier side of life where we can reflect and consider our spirits and our feelings. So back to my fondness for goddess names, I will also tell you one of my best friend’s names is Aphrodite. I don’t know why it happened this way with the goddess theme in my life, but it did! Athena, Artemis, Aphrodite….oh my!

Athena–in Greek mythology–is the goddess of wisdom, war, the arts, industry, justice and skill. Women who start their own businesses arguably have to encompass all of these traits at different times. We have to use our intuition to know when to use what tools in our toolbox, who to trust, who to learn from, and how to trust ourselves to drive. While my dog Athena knows nothing about driving, she can provide some important life lessons on how to live. Athena teaches me something new every day. Here she shows us some important lessons that will help us be happier, stronger and emotionally wealthier entrepreneurs.

Here are Athena’s six life lessons for female entrepreneurs.

1. Have playtime. 

Women are great entrepreneurs because we work hard, we’re great multi-taskers, and we are passionate about our work. At the same time we have a habit of getting very much “in our heads.” That means we can’t see the big picture because we’re so caught up in the day to day. Most of us have our best ideas when we’re doing something mindless like taking a shower, going for a run or chopping veggies. Having hobbies outside of work–and tme for play–will help get the creative juices flowing, and give us important time to breathe. By adding play and whimsy into our lives, not only will we find we’re more productive when we do sit down to work, but we will come up with better problem solving for work related things. Additionally doing things with friends is very important to our sense of belonging and feelings of self worth.

2. Spend time with the big dogs.

It’s not surprising that very successful people want to hang out with very successful people. However, I believe that mentoring newbies is very spiritually rewarding and gratifying. I would encourage more established women entrepreneurs and executives to spend time mentoring the young-ins. Also if nothing else, it makes you grateful for how far you’ve come! Young-ins, it’s so important to have mentors, and to spend time with people who are where you want to be. Try and find good people who are smart, established and didn’t cut corners to get to where they are–learn from them. Ask a lot of questions!

3. Work what your mama gave you [also known as use what makes you different to your advantage].

It’s often the very thing we try to hide that makes us special or unique. When we realize that it’s important to “be yourself, because everyone else is taken” [thank you Oscar Wilde] we start to attract people to us. Despite how hard the media and ad industry have tried to make us believe that people are only attracted to a very specific cookie cutter mold, the truth is people are attracted to other people that are vibrant, that shine.  We attract what we want when we are excited about what we’re doing, and we are feeling spiritually wealthy and joyful. That “sheen” comes from living your life, being you–flaws ‘n all. People are attracted to authenticity and passion. Wear what your mama gave you, and don’t try to hide those “flaws,” instead use them to your advantage. “Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weaknesses.” – Madame Marie du Deffand.

4. Go for it!

Over analyzing every detail of a move can slow us down. Sometimes the very thing we’re afraid of is joy and success. When you don’t give yourself time to noodle over something for too long, you will be more prone to do it. As Bill Cosby once said, “First, decide what you truly want. Then, decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it” or let’s learn from Amelia Earhart who said, “The most effective way to do it, is to do it.” Athena tells us “just dive in.” What doesn’t kill you ultimately makes you stronger. Or at least provides some funny stories/blog/book material.

5. “Every morning we are born again.” -Buddha

My dog freaks out every time we go for a walk. She wags her tail back and forth like a ticking clock and smiles a big toothy grin! When we walk, like a true connoisseur she wants to smell every piece of grass, every flower, and every dog we meet along the way. She has pure pleasure from even the most simple activity–being outside on a walk.

Something goes awry with humans in the process of growing older–we lose our sense of whimsy–and become desensitized to life’s small pleasures. We become unaware of the sheer miracle of being alive. Every day is a chance to enjoy something new, learn something about the world, about ourselves. My dog reminds me every day to be a softer, gentler human being–one that walks with gratitude.

6. Rest.

It’s an important part of life. Give yourself time throughout the day to be quiet. It is said that when we quiet down, we truly hear what the universe are trying to tell us. Often we already have the answers we are looking for, but we can’t hear them with all the noise. We all need to go out of our way to provide time for quiet and rest (most times that also means no television–no engagement). Remember life is not a race, it’s a marathon. We need time throughout to be quiet.

And with that please feel free to share with me and Athena what your suggestions are for being a better female entrepreneur. We’re all ears!

Top Five Life Lessons (and ways to avoid eating dirt)

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I’ve been working for myself for the last year and a half. Through eating dirt I’ve learned how to manage myself in difficult circumstances. Below I’ve made a list of the top five lessons I’ve learned in the last year. Please learn from my mistakes–here are my top five lessons from 2011.

1. No more drama. I now understand what Mary J. Blige was talking about in her song “No More Drama.” Being melodramatic and overly emotional about the small stuff just makes your life very difficult. Nothing is ever good or bad but thinking makes it so. If someone takes your parking space, let them have it. There will be another one. And if you are feeling frustrated by your business, career search, job hunt, sales opportunity– in business, never hope more than you work. Thanks Mary. Sing it.

2. The people who are making money are not busy fighting on social networks and blogs. Do not get involved. Do not fight. Do not gossip. I guarantee if you do, it will come back to bite you. Everyone is watching what you write, who you talk to, your tone, your demeanor. When you tell someone something nasty, you are exposing all of your followers to that same language. Do you want to exude power, control and sophistication, or blog/bar room brawls? Do not burn your bridges. Really powerful people don’t fight. They let the little people fight for them. Haven’t you ever seen Nucky Thompson in Boardwalk Empire? Nucky, the head of the gang rarely dirties his suit. Put your passion to better use. Be Nucky.

3. Make lists. I have become a list-freak. I make to-do lists constantly. All of my clients have their own CRM lists (leveraging excel and 37 signals High Rise offering). I have a CRM list for myself. Even when I lift weights and do the spin bike I do intervals. If I lose focus I start counting (also this is a good way to keep lurkers in the weight room far away–they become confused/scared). The point is lists keep a human being sane and organized in a crazy and ADD world. Make a list, check it twice.

4. Be on time. What really differentiates you from your competitors? Is it your services? Is it your product? Or is it that je ne sais quoi? It’s probably going to be the relationship. And part of building relationships is respect. Be on time. You have already shown you are different than everyone else. First impressions matter. Dress for the job you want, and be early. For example, I live in Oakland. If I have to drive to San Francisco, and I don’t feel like it, I get there early. I go to a coffee shop or find a way to make the visit fun for myself. Over-prepare for the stuff you dread. You will dread it less. The stuff you don’t like to do, make it into a game. Have fun with it!

5. Don’t take yourself too seriously. There’s something worse than being late as stated in number 4. It’s looking emotionally constipated. Giving off the “I’m a stressed-out, angry, mess” vibe is not good for attracting what you want from the universe. Readers PLEASE take care of your spirits. IT MATTERS. Go to therapy, go to yoga, go for a run, write in your journal, listen to Enya. Don’t put your mental and physical health last. By taking care of yourself you will relax. You will be better able to let things roll off your back.

Remember, as my running coach–Coach Al–used to say, you can’t control the weather, but you can control your preparedness. Take care of yourselves out there!