Tag Archives: media

Being Strong For Other Women

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Do you know that other women are watching you all the time? Whether you realize it or not you are setting an example for people you didn’t even realize were your Facebook friends.

Are you setting an example of body shame for other women or are you engaging in a radical act of activism through self-love and respect?

I believe if we want things to get better for women we need to change the national dialogue. I also believe it has to start with the local dialogue. For example, are you someone who wants to build women up? If you are I would encourage you to think twice before you make self-deprecating comments on your social media sites about your body. Would you want your daughter or the younger version of yourself to say hurtful things about herself? If you want to help change the national dialogue for women, it starts with you. Diets, model and celebrity-dom are not helping women feel confident in themselves. Social media has given a voice to women everywhere. Let’s use this tool to make major change happen in the hearts and minds of women everywhere.

We’re all tired of living up to completely unrealistic standards of how we’re supposed to look. Together we can truly make change happen.

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Many of us don’t realize the impact we have on those around us. Sometimes the best form of activism is living well. By respecting yourself, no matter if you fit into Vogue’s definition of what you should look like or not, you are committing an act of defiance.

By loving yourself–despite the media’s constant flood of messaging that you shouldn’t–you are participating in an act of defiance on behalf of all women everywhere.

When I see women who claim to be moving women’s rights forward calling themselves fat on Facebook I feel sad. By participating in the “not enough” tsunami hitting women everywhere you’re hurting women you “unofficially mentor” without realizing it.

We’ve all got to love ourselves and be strong. We’ve got to ignore the messages that tell us we are only worthy if we are thin and beautiful by Hollywood’s standards. We’ve got to do it for ourselves, but we’ve really got to do it for all the other women. Because they’re watching you. They’re watching us.

So the next time you look in the mirror and you want to call yourself fat please understand there is a girl in the reflection looking back at you. How do you want her to feel?

If you are one of the many women I know sitting at her cubicle now wanting to be inspired, please watch these Makers videos. You will not be sorry!

Though tech makes media experience perfect, the story of imperfection gains popularity

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Modern Family, The Mindy Kalling Show, Steve Buscemi…

While technology is making our experience increasingly perfect something is also happening beneath our pristine plasma screens. We’re seeing more scripts about imperfection. We’re getting close to putting the actual imperfect “reality” into media.

As a result of an increasingly transparent world thanks to social media, the fabric of our culture is shifting. With reality shows and social media, we’re seeing less of a focus on being perfect, and more of a focus on what it is to be human–what it is to be imperfect.


image source

Modern Family’s script is based on three very quirky and flawed couples and the everyday nuttyness of their lives–and we can relate. It’s a breath of fresh air to finally see imperfect people on television.

Perfect For the Holidays

Because it’s the holiday season I’ve been contemplating imperfection. Many of us throw parties and try to make everything perfect just like in the magazines–perfect food, perfectly clean house, perfect clothes, perfect place settings….perfect perfect perfect.

I’m pretty sure human beings are the only species that does this. And for years we’ve bought the lie that perfect is attainable. We’ve knowingly bought products we know will not make us perfect, but we believe they will.

Let’s look at this quote from branding author Martin Lindstrom in a Fast Company Article where he talks about why imperfection is an ideal to embrace:

Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not asking the ad agencies to focus on the negative aspects of a brand. What I’m suggesting is to show how life really looks. Babies do not stay clean when eating their pureed food, and apples are never all the exact shape and size and color. Messages portraying perfection are not trustworthy. No one actually believes them. We don’t believe candidates applying for jobs who claim they do everything perfectly. We don’t believe the person we sit beside at a dinner party who tells us everything in their life is just perfect. So why should we believe in perfect brands? We don’t. So it’s about time advertising changes their tune and strives for a little imperfection.

Martin is right. Brands need to catch on that the days of aspiring to perfection are coming to a close. Why are we still seeing so much perfection in advertising when this in no way relates to real life? I will buy from brands who speak to me–and that narrative is one of humor, of resilience, and of imperfection.

 

Where Are the Movies About Women Kicking Ass?

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Have you seen the movie “Snatch”? It’s about a bunch of guys who “kick-ass.” Why is it that virtually every movie is about a bunch of tough guys kicking ass? If women are more than 50% of the population why in God’s name will Hollywood not give up their obsession with men?

I hate action movies because I want to watch movies that I can relate to. I want to watch films with strong female leads that don’t look like Reese Witherspoon (and aren’t about how she has to choose between two men who want to sleep with her).

Two things.

1. The media needs to feature more dynamic real depictions of women in film.

2. The media will never give you permission to be strong. You MUST give yourself permission.

 

 

The Hungry Homemaker: How Women Are Taught To Feed While Depriving Herself

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I’m interested in the relationship between women and food. That being said I’ve been reading Fat is a Feminist issue by Susie Orbach. I’m reading this book because I’m curious about how woman are taught to be nurturers and providers, while also taught they must deprive themselves of food in order to be worthy.

As Susie Orbach wrote in her book that looks at compulsive eating, “The roots of compulsive eating in women stem from women’s position in society–she feeds everyone else, but her needs are personally illegitimate.”

To be slim is the ultimate achievement for women. But to magnify this pressure, it’s not just about being disciplined about what goes in your mouth, you also must be the perfect homemaker–crafty, DIY, it’s cool in a 50s kitschy way to be the perfect homemaker today in 2012.

There’s nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, but there is something deeply wrong with the media’s relentless cacophony of messaging that women must be perfect. And we participate in the creation of this cultural reality for women.

Go look at Pinterest. Pinterest features an array of fashionable clothes, artfully witty infographics about feeling guilty for eating chocolate, tips on how to get a six pack, photos of Ryan Gosling, religious messages,  and aesthetically pleasing photographs of food. It’s like being in the mind of the girls from the Virgin Suicides if they ever grew up. It’s a scary place–and this ladies and gentleman is the dominant ideology of America in 2012.

“In a woman’s psychology, an important aspect of her self-esteem derives from her ability to be a good nurturer–in perhaps a parallel sense the aspect of self-esteem that a man derives from his job and his capacity to be the economic provider….if we take a look at almost any magazine that is directed at women, a woman is assaulted page after page with reminders about her responsibility to feed others…At the same time, the not-so-subtle message of women’s magazines and daytime television advertisements is that women cannot afford to rely on their judgement about what food is appropriate.”

What Susie Orbach wrote about in the late 70s is not a new story, but the sheer omnipresence of that story has grown due to the spread of technology. Everywhere we look we are told we must be thin and we must also be the providers–the one who makes the decision in the house about what’s for dinner.

Additionally women learn to hate their bodies at a young age, often through their relationship with their mothers. How she feels about herself is passed down through the generations.

“A woman’s body we learn, is not a very good or safe environment to live inside. Rarely are our mothers and other female adults able to convey to a young woman that her body, whatever natural shape it has is a source of pride and of beauty since they themselves have not been able to feel that….It is no wonder then that we become frightened of our bodies and see them not as where we live but as a part of us that we must control, watch and direct.”

That joke about the Jewish mother (or Greek mother or any mother), “eat, eat, you’re skin and bone” rings true. Women sweat to feed their families but when it comes to their own needs, forget about it. And not providing for the family in the kitchen makes you less of a woman.

“Food is what she gives to others but must deprive herself of. Food is good for others but somehow dangerous to the woman herself. Food, which is imbued with the spirit of giving when prepared for others, takes on a sinister face when women eat. A woman is meant to police her eating, to feel cautious of what she eats. Food is her power in the family, it is her way of caring for others. Food is her power in the family, it is a means by which she exerts incredible influence; she brings comfort, reward, reassurance through it.”

I want to know, as a society what is this obsession with looking like a teenage boy? Why is the media still dictating that the ideal woman looks like Justin Bieber, but has big boobs? Who is driving home that image? Are they straight?

We need to start questioning what we all take as normal and acceptable. It’s not acceptable.

Empowerment Is An Inside Job; Project Enough

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Beyond the broken-ness there’s a place that’s never been broken, and as women we need to help each other find that place.

We need to teach women how to come home to themselves. We spend our lives in a state of distraction. I’ve come to realize that true power comes from being “home,” literally. We women–if we truly want to be powerful–need to comfortable in our own skin. We walk around like the answers are out THERE. But we know in our heart of hearts the answers are in HERE.

I went to a retreat last weekend taught by my favorite author Geneen Roth, and she inspired many of the ideas in this post. More than anything she reminded me that we need to show women how to be home in their bodies. Happiness and empowerment is an inside job. We spend our lives shaming ourselves, busy with diets, the good girl-bad girl game, soaked in guilt, fear, deprivation…. The truth is shaming and torturing ourselves will never lead to making us more empowered human beings. As women who do we believe ourselves to be?

With all that being said, you’ve read my blogs about “getting angry,” and that might be part of the process. Whatever it takes to get women to wake up and see that there is a major problem with not only how we are treated by the media, but the fact that we say yes media companies, you’re right–we are purely sex objects.

Can you imagine if we could turn numbers such as the ten million women in the U.S. who have eating disorders, and make that ten million women who have cocky disorders. Yes please, because in this world–we’re far from it.

This project I’ve been talking about is really a movement that starts with you. I want you to start sharing your stories. I want you–women–to start telling the truth about what’s happening behind closed doors. It’s time that we stop lying to ourselves and to the world that what the media is doing is ok. It’s most definitely not ok, and it has to stop. We can make it stop. Together we have the power. Because we’ve had enough.

Project Enough


here’s a mockup of the site. It’s just a first version, what Project Enough could be.

Just to refresh you on Project Enough, it’s called Project Enough because we are enough and we’ve had enough.

Can you imagine a world where media companies and the corporations that pay them created messaging campaigns to tell women they were worthy and amazing–not problems to be solved? I want to encourage women to share there stories of vulnerability, strength, introspection, self-development, doubt, tragedy, triumph, jubilation.

We need to see that all women are going through the same thing, and put an end to the judging, the name-calling and the gossip. We need to band together.

I want to create a magazine that is feminist in nature without apologizing about it. The women’s movement has disappeared, and what we are fighting today is a much bigger, omniscient monster–possibly more destructive than anything in the past. I’m looking at you Gen Y–we need to stand up!

While there are many women’s magazines out there that address these issues, a lot of them have a tone of sarcasm. That was never enough for me, and I am not embarrassed or apologetic about being spiritual, and seeking out an honest conversation about what it is to be female in America in 2012.

I also feel that eventually this magazine could turn into something bigger, to empower women across the country and the world. We ignite this movement with crowdsourced storytelling. Good writing that comes from the heart–writing that is honest, sad, funny, engaging, relevant, raw storytelling.

Assembly Line Messaging

Today there’s much talk about where our food comes from. There are plenty of documentaries that trace the path of the food once it leaves the assembly line. Pressure groups have brought this to the attention of policy makers and the corporations–many of whom have changed their corrupt ways because of the pressure put on them.

I believe the same needs to happen with the media industry. The media industry today is also an assembly line pumping out images of hyper-sexualized young women—and these images are everywhere. You cannot escape it. Turn on the t.v. Walk outside. Open a magazine.

Do the media companies trace the side-effects of their messaging? Do they hear the stories of anorexia and bulimia? If they saw the faces of the victims–many of whom aren’t even old enough to vote, would they stop?

Someone needs to control the media industry’s outright attack on women’s bodies, and it’s not going to be anyone but us to call them on it.

If you want to get involved, I need writers to contribute their personal stories. I need someone who wants to build this website. I need people to back it in any way they can. And more than anything I need you to tell all the women that you know that we’ve had enough, we are enough, and we’re going to make change.

Dear Media Tycoons Profiting Off Women’s Bodies, We’re Coming for You.

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This week we heard about JP Morgan’s 2 billion dollar loss, and eyes turned to Jamie Dimon for accountability. However there’s an industry that’s creating far more damage than people realize, and no one is holding it accountable. It’s an industry that generates +500 billion dollars a year, and it rarely has to enter a senate hearing as Dimon did this week. The media industry.

The media is like an invisible worm, eating up the spirits of young women everywhere, and we watch, and we say nothing. As women we bond over our desire to be attractive, and we make it seem cute, kitschy, but it’s not. It’s a desire to be loved. And the media largely dictates to the culture what we have to look like to be loved.

And why do the media companies participate and lead the hypersexualization of young girls? Because it’s profitable, and the media would rather make their advertising dollars than change the system.

This is a toddler [Paisley] dressed up as Pretty Woman in Toddlers and Tiaras. Am I the only one who thinks she will have issues when she grows up?

And whoever runs the show calls the shots. These decisions are made by a select group of people who run these magazines, media companies, and the other institutions that endorse this type of behavior.

In the past, a small group of dedicated people have made incredible change in this world, and I intend to do the same–so no girl has to go through what we’ve been through. America, and the world, wake up.

Media companies and those who support this, women are much more powerful than you think–and we’re fed up. You should be scared.

Why Being An Angry Woman Is A Good Thing

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I hear a lot of women who have a deep fear of appearing angry.

I used to be that way too, until I realized how powerful anger was if you could channel it in your favor.

In my experience sadness stems from fear and leads to inaction, self loathing and depression.

Anger leads to action, risk taking, boldness and power–if you can channel it into the opposite of fear.

I want women to take a break from saying:

I hate my thighs,

My nose is too big,

My hair is frizzy,

My skin is too dark,

or

My skin is too light,

My ass is too big,

My nails aren’t long enough,

My boobs are too small,

My boobs are too big,

My stomach is fat,

My arms jiggle,

My ankles are too thick,

My shoes aren’t high enough,

My outfit isn’t in style,

and on and on and on and on.

And it’s NO WONDER WOMEN feel like shit about themselves (and that 1/4 women in America are on anti-depressants). If you were told over and over that you’re worth was completely dependent on your looks (and it was largely unattainable), you would go nuts too.

But we don’t talk about this, and it’s the huge elephant in the room. If you hadn’t noticed. I’ve noticed, and I’m not going to shut up about it.

So rise up, say “Fuck That!”

I will no longer subject myself to this torture. And screw all the media companies and the institutions that contribute to subliminally making women nuts. Don’t support them with your ad dollars, don’t buy their magazines, don’t buy their products.

Together we can stop this insanity, and make the world a safe, secure and nurturing space for our daughters so they don’t have to go through what we did. And don’t let anyone tell you that it’s easy growing up female in America. Because it’s not.

P.S. I am cursing to make a point. I know it’s not the first time you’ve seen these words. For those of you who are offended, you’ll survive.

My reaction to Gender Armageddon and the Broken Women’s Movement [video]

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This video was created in response to an article I saw tonight called “Gender Armageddon and the Broken Women’s Movement.” Amy Siskind, retired Wall St. Exec and founder of an interesting site called The New Agenda writes in Huff Po:

Lately, I’ve become obsessed with Girls, the new HBO series about women in their 20s. Not in a joyful way. In a worried, watching a car wreck kind of way.

Okay, I’ll own it. The reason I’m mesmerized by the girls in Girls — the hapless, aimless, tragic victims — is because of guilt. We’ve let these young women down. We were tone deaf to their generation’s needs and struggles, and failed to support and equip them with tools to thrive and succeed. Instead, we’ve allowed the media complex, with its 97% male top brass, to fill the void and define our young women and girls as sexualized, often victimized, objects. Today, 3 of 4 teen girls feel depressed, guilty and shameful.

I agree with Amy in so many ways, and I believe this was what Lena Dunham captures with her show “GIRLS,” ironic title (not yet women, not quite young girls). She is the first producer I’ve seen actually capture the dark stuff–the awkwardness of sex in an age where the media gives men some warped ideas around what is sexy, and leaves women largely out of that conversation (GIRLS characters Adam and Hannah’s relationship). Hannah makes bad decisions time and again, and looks for love in all the wrong places, but you can’t dislike her, because on some level you have been her.

In addition “Gender Armageddon” writer Amy created a roundup of this month’s anti-woman news:

Just this month, Patti Hart (Yahoo) and Ina Drew (JP Morgan) ‘stepped down’ for the misdeeds of their male counterparts. The Cannes Film Festival brushed off criticism of it’s all male line-up. Women’s Professional Soccer folded. TIME wondered if we were mom enough. Men moved into jobs traditionally held by women, then leapfrogged us up the glass escalator into management. The Catholic Bishops announced an investigation of the Girl Scouts. Shall I continue?

I feel that a new movement is necessary to address relevant issues affecting women everywhere, including the hugely important Gen Y (and our little sisters). What Lena Dunham drives home in her show, and what Amy gets at in her article, is that we haven’t prepared girls for adulthood, and the tough stuff that hits us at younger and younger ages (as we grow up faster). I believe we need to take a stand against the media, be strong for ourselves, and stand up against the organizational structures and systems that keep us down. What we don’t realize is how much power we already have, but we choose not to exercise.


Kickstarter Project to Build Women’s Self-Esteem?

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Can you imagine a world where it was profitable to tell females they were worthy and amazing, not problems to be solved?

I’ve been thinking about doing a kickstarter project because I want to build a media company that solely focuses on developing women.

Can you imagine a world where there are media companies as big as News Corporation out there sending messages about self love, acceptance and positivity? Since I was a little girl I dreamed of a different world where this was possible.

Most of you is someone or knows someone, who has low self esteem. If there is one job in this world that is in demand, it’s guardian angels who provide inspiration, love and positive encouragement for those who need it, especially women. The violence that happens against women at home is directly correlated to the violent treatment of women by the media, and one way the media acts against women is the war on women’s bodies. Did you know 80% of women feel worse about themselves after seeing a beauty ad. And $20B is spent on beauty marketing in the US annually. That adds up to a population of women who feel like crap about themselves.

A media company? Sounds great Blake, but what does that mean?

I want to build an online magazine that isn’t apologetic about calling out these issues, and that is covered with stories by women of all ages. I want to bring more women across the age spectrum together.  I want to build a social networking aspect where young girls and women can find older women who will mentor them, who can be trusted–and who are local to their area. I want to build an event portfolio as well where we host conferences and workshops across the country, bringing a new dialogue to the forefront. I want to reward girls and women to talk about their experiences, and provide an incentive for girls and women to start talking candidly about their experiences–as I feel this is what it will take to create change–one girl at a time.

All the content, events and opportunities should be free and easily accessible. Eventually if this project picks up, there is no limit to the potential when you’re making people light up. And that’s what this company will be about. Lifting women up.

I want women to share true stories about the people around them who inspire them–about when they feel fearless, when they fear vulnerable. We need more examples of women who are warriors, who have made it. Power doesn’t always show itself in a pinstripe suit. Women need to know they can stand up for themselves and break free from shame. They need to see more examples of this in the media.

Can you imagine if we started rewarding people for breaking the silence? Where they were rewarded for speaking their own truths. Where we see stories of all women in the community who are making a difference? I’d like to see women of all ages connecting across class systems and cultures. This can happen through the internet, and eventually with events and workshops.

For this media company I will need support including someone to build the website, writers, and ambassadors who tell the story of the project and put it in front of the right people. I wanted to ask you—out there—if you thought this was a kickstarter-worthy project, or one you’d personally liked to be involved in. I am not sure if this is the right thing to do, but I do know that this is the work that I feel the world needs. This is the healing that the world needs. A world of broken women is no world at all.


notice the language “Miracle Bras, A Solution for Every Problem.”
[who calls imperfect boobs problems?]

With recent articles like TV Makes Girls Feel Like Crap About Themselves, and Fashion Doesn’t Need to Make Us Feel Like Shit to Make Us Go Shopping I feel things are looking up in certain pockets of the media world.

But then when I turn on the TV or look at the magazine racks I know that this is not true. We are way behind, and if we ever try to take on the media, the beauty industry and the other forces that destroy women’s self esteem, we are going to truly have to band together. Because the smartest, strongest women I know, are working at beauty companies. Because at the end of the day I suppose we all need to bring home the bacon. But does it have to be that way?

The Advertising Shift, And Being Sneaky About Messaging

Spending on traditional advertising by the beauty industry is down, and more attention is being paid to non-traditional channels, sneakier ways to get under women’s skin and sell products. And what’s scary is how successful the industry already is–and how women are compliant and happy participants in our own destruction. I feel the gossip magazines are one of the worst offenders when it comes to destroying women’s self esteem.

In 2011, US Weekly’s circulation was 1,980,862. In 2006 People Magazine’s circulation was 3.75 million and revenue expected to top $1.5 billion. These are actual tangible paper magazines. And it’s a running joke how women devour these gossip mags as soon as possible, but it’s no joke.

Consider this quote from a blog I wrote called Why Women Feel Like Crap About Themselves.

Courtney Martin in The Christian Science Monitor:

“So many perfect girls were raised entirely without organized religion…Overlay our dearth of spiritual exploration with our excess of training in ambition..and you have a generation of godless girls…raised largely without a fundamental sense of divinity. In fact, our worth in the world has always been tied to our looks…not the amazing miracle of mere existence….’

I want to create meaning for women through modern storytelling–a new narrative around what it’s like to be a women in 2012.

So what do you think? Is this a feasible project? What are your questions, concerns, insights?

Quiet Down and Listen to YourSELF This Week [vid]

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Dear readers, I really appreciate how supportive you’ve been of my posts–many that are incredibly personal to me. It inspires me to keep writing [my truth] when I see you in person, or even online and you tell me, “Blake I’ve been through that” or “I’m going through something similar.” I’m not the only one who feels that the shaming that happens with women has to stop, and is far more prevalent than we realize.

It is my passion to shed light on these issues, as I feel they are paid lip service by those who feel threatened [some of who are women themselves].

When I talk about shame, I always consider the elephant in the room that so many women suffer from body shame. I signed a petition this morning for “Off our chests” to fight the Media and Public Health Act. The statistics they provided were not surprising, but sad:

Transparency and clarity that may help address and stem these horrifying numbers:

- 42% of girls in grades 1-3 want to be thinner

- 51% of 9-10 year old girls feel better about themselves when they’re dieting

- 53% of 13 year old girls are unhappy with their bodies; by the time they’re 17, 78% of them will be

- By the time they’re 17, these girls have seen 250,000 TV commercials telling them they should be a decorative object, sex object or a body size they can never achieve.

- 7 million girls and women under 25 suffer from eating disorders (myNEDA.org)

- 40% of newly identified cases of anorexia are in girls 15-19 years old.  A rise in incidence of anorexia in young women 15-19 in each decade since 1930. Anorexia has the highest rate of mortality of any mental illness. (myNEDA.org)

- 80% of women feel worse about themselves after seeing a beauty ad. $20B is spent on beauty marketing in the US annually. That’s a lot of money being spent making women feel worse about themselves.

- Nearly 25 million people – male and female – are suffering from anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder (myNEDA.org)

This has affected so many women I know, including me personally. While my video quality might not be studio-quality, my words truly come from the heart. I want to see change happen, and I won’t rest until it does.