Tag Archives: focus

Designing Your Nontraditional Worklife Without Fear of Judgement

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Breaking a habit is hard. Unlearning a lifetime of conditioning is harder.

Some of us tried the corporate thing and after too many closed doors and airtight containers decided to venture out on the unpaved path of self-employment. Many of us are working in creative fields like writing, art and I will add consulting in here. However many of us are not enjoying that dream of self-directed employment.

It took me a while to rid myself of non 9 to 5 er guilt. For a long time there was something to someone else always telling me where to be, what to do and that I was ok. Even the punishment (as a recent college grad) of those mistakes everyone makes in the first few years in the workplace made you feel alive.

But I knew it wasn’t for me, and I learned about self-employment and slowly fell in love.

I think many people find joy in predictability–but not me. I need some predictability and a constant stream of variation to keep me fresh and alive.

The fondness for predictability reminded me of the documentary I recently saw Jiro Dreams of Sushi. In the film an 86 year old Japanese chef with a three star michelin restaurant said, “happiness is doing the same thing every day.” He talked about how for sushi chefs predictability is bliss. This is a man who supported himself since he was seven years old (when he was pushed out on his own).

While I have great admiration for Jiro and people like him, it can be said that people who are stuck in what they feel is a dead end job will never get to higher ground if they don’t decide they want to (and want more than what is given to them).

When I started writing and podcasting as part of my corporate job, I relished the few days I worked from home (that was three times in five years). I didn’t understand why I had to dress up and make the work commute when I could create the content in the comfort of my own home. In fact I always found it more difficult to focus in an office environment where there were distractions all day every day.

Here are my thoughts on fear of being judged for a nontraditional worklife:

The truth is the only one “watching” us is us. If it’s the critical parent or “those people” we went to school with or past coworkers, no one really cares that much about what we’re doing except us. If we are happy and thriving (and able to pay our bills) then other people are happy for us. In fact, people only know and believe what you tell them. You’ll notice the criticism you get from others are the statements you’ve already made out loud (to them). If you tell people what you do with conviction, professionalism and self-respect, they will respect you. You are driving.

The point of this post is to remind you that the judgemental voice inside of you is not necessarily you. However, you are giving that voice prime real estate by listening to him/her. Acknowledge the voice, give it a seat at the table, and move on. Anyone who is needy doesn’t have their needs met. Meet your own needs. Give yourself permission to design and live your life the way you want to.

3 Ways To Put Worry to Bed

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With all the pressures of life, at times it can feel overwhelming just to get through a particular task. Some weeks feel harder than others.

The mind at times feels like it’s detached from the body. The mind has its own internal dialogue–for better or worse. Many of us just wish–at times–we could shut off our worrying mind and just live and be truly free.

And it is my personal belief that the key to a happy everything is controlling the mind–but today with new studies in science it’s not that easy. There are studies that show there are other factors from your body that control your thoughts. That means we aren’t even 100% sure of what controls our thoughts and moods. I also believe the over-saturation of media messages we are exposed to is throwing off our state of being.

That being said, the more control we have over our self-management, the better our thoughts, and the better our behaviors.

Three Tips to Put Worry To Bed:

1. Focus. They key to a happy life could be very simple. It goes like this. When I’m working I’m working. When I’m cooking I’m cooking. When I’m exercising I’m exercising. When I’m reading I’m reading. When I’m watching a movie I’m watching a movie. I try and not multitask or switchtask as much as possible. I believe many of us have so much trouble focusing because we constantly have a 2nd channel running. I do believe that multitasking means doing two things badly. At the same time it feels like multitasking can’t be avoided…but the key is to try. Think of your energy–if your energy is focused on one task, that task is going to get 100% attention. If every project we do gets 50% of our energy, our outcomes will also be watered down. One way to help focus that energy is meditation. Meditation is a powerful tool to gain better control over your mind. Most mornings if you can sit for even just 5 minutes and greet the day with gratitude and intention, you will notice you can focus better throughout your day. Your thoughts cause a biological and physiological effect--your body responds to mental input as if it were physically real. That means it’s up to you to create an inviting environment for yourself that allows you to focus.

2. Take a time-out. Every tough scenario can be prevented by a time-out. That means removing yourself from the situation and taking space. I’m positive there’s nothing a short walk can’t solve. Some of the most successful and creative people have high octane personalities. If you are lucky enough to be one of these wildly creative people, save that energy for the tasks that require intense creativity, energy and spirit–think Gabby on the high beam. By taking the space and moment for yourself when you can feel a rush of something coming on, you will find yourself better equipped to walk the high beam. On a related note I know many of you aren’t taking your breaks at work out of fear. When we work in corporate environments we assume we can’t have work-life flexibility because we see everyone else working without vacation. Even if you work in an environment where no one takes sick days, vacations or paid time off, take yours. You will feel rejuvenated when you come back to work. We all need mental breaks–time for the creative juices to marinate. Consider this; the conscious mind controls only 5% of our brain, while the unconscious mind has a hold on our thoughts 95% of the time. So pay attention to what you can’t see–or what’s not obvious to you about yourself. Allow yourself a little space to daydream now and again.

3. This too shall pass. There are days I feel like if things don’t change right this very minute the world will end. The key to success is the ability to wait out the not knowing. Contrary to popular media, success rarely happens overnight. Sit with the not knowing. Get curious about what’s underneath that not knowing. Is it fear? What does the fear look like? How does it feel? Is it in your throat? Is it in your stomach? Once you identify what is underneath your fear you will be able to address it and calm it. This storm shall pass. The rainbow surely comes after the storm, and those storms make you strong.

So dear readers, what tools do you use to put worry to bed?

The World Isn’t Watching, The World Isn’t Watching

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While the U.S. women’s soccer team didn’t generate a World Cup win against Japan, they did generate massive interest on Twitter with 7,196 tweets per second.

The stats on twitter are just one drop in the bucket of channels through which people eagerly tuned in to the game.

As you watch–if you are like me–you are vying for the players. You cheer them on and mentally will them to not buckle under pressure. Ok I didn’t literally do this–but I do squirm when they miss the goal. A finger nail might have been bitten.

Despite the pressure, last night U.S. FIFA stars Abby Wambach, Alex Morgan and Hope Solo all exemplified a cool, calm and collected performance. But the performance of these three powerhouse players was not enough to carry the team.

The most painful moment for fans was the last period–the penalty kicks [after an overtime period]–where where we handed Japan the World Cup.

It was a devastating end to a long, frustrating game with too many missed opportunities by the U.S. Whether it’s pro sports or competing in business, the difference between winning and losing is quite small.

Performing under extreme pressure, and winning is almost all mental.


Hope Solo looking heroic in the goal.

I used to play soccer and once grappling with my own focus–I couldn’t help but feel frustrated for the U.S. team in the penalty shoot-out.

It should be simple. In a penalty situation, the player wants to shoot ball into a corner. There are four to choose from.

Additionally before you kick the ball you are to show the goalie no inkling on which direction you will choose. You must wear a poker face and make a hard, clean and swift kick clear of the goalie’s reach. But the stress that comes with this pressure makes the decision much harder.

While in practice I am sure team U.S.A. made penalty kicks blind-folded. But yesterday they just weren’t focused enough. Japan sustained energy and focus longer than we did.

When the world is watching the individual must work very hard to turn the volume down. It’s much easier said than done, but human beings are often much stronger than they think they are.

Practicing a quiet mind is something one must do every day. When the pressure is on the ability to calm the mind is everything.