Tag Archives: feminist

Las Vegas, Sex, Technology, You

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I walk by a hologram woman with fake looking breasts and the face of a young girl. She’s facing a table full of gamblers. They are middle aged women.

I’m in Las Vegas, and like so many moments spent here, I find this moment surreal–weird–meta. So far from anything I generally encounter in my daily life in the Bay Area.

Here women walk around in mini skirts and heels so high they look like stilts. Women adorn themselves in clothes and jewelry as shiny as the slot machines calling to you from the casino.

ces
A photo I took at #CES. This company sells speakers and described the sound in the post as “deep” and used other sexually explicit adjectives.

You walk through hotels next to scantily clad women and you wonder, are you a “normal” woman or are you paid to work here and look like that? Are your tips determined by your clothes–or are you just here visiting from Ohio or Indiana or North Dakota? Are you pretending to have a different life for a night in Las Vegas? Will my boyfriend think I’m sexy next to you?

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One night I was at a dinner with a handful of influential people. A CEO from Israel was seated next to me. He told me out of the blue he thought the way women were depicted in Las Vegas was “disgusting.”

That night he hit me right through the heart with his words. I was shocked and moved.  I didn’t realize any of these business men noticed. Here is a spiritual person–not from the U.S.–with daughters–who can clearly see how bizarre our culture is.

You forget that there are people out there–men specifically–who are not happy with a culture that puts women up for sale. There are men out there who get it.

This was one of the highlights of my entire trip–meeting this person who could so clearly see the nonsense that happens in our culture.

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The truth is you have very little control of what’s happening out there, and so much of it is just plain awful. You need to work very hard to make sure the show that’s running inside of you is a pleasant one. If you are a woman, you need to constantly nurture and feed yourself messages of worthiness. You need to do this because no one will do it for you. It’s a matter of survival. And that way, Vegas will always stay in Vegas.

Where Are the Movies About Women Kicking Ass?

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Have you seen the movie “Snatch”? It’s about a bunch of guys who “kick-ass.” Why is it that virtually every movie is about a bunch of tough guys kicking ass? If women are more than 50% of the population why in God’s name will Hollywood not give up their obsession with men?

I hate action movies because I want to watch movies that I can relate to. I want to watch films with strong female leads that don’t look like Reese Witherspoon (and aren’t about how she has to choose between two men who want to sleep with her).

Two things.

1. The media needs to feature more dynamic real depictions of women in film.

2. The media will never give you permission to be strong. You MUST give yourself permission.

 

 

This Is What A Business Woman Looks Like

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I am building my business Artemis, and as a result I do a lot of networking.

Every week I meet with women of all backgrounds and professions. Generally it’s in the form of coffees, or even groups of women who invite me into their closed circles as a guest.

This last week I did this at least four times. One of the events I attended was put on by a fabulous female founder’s networking organization I’ve recently joined called NAWBO. It was Women Trailblazers In The Wine Industry. The speaking part of the event featured moderator Sharon Harris, Owner of Rarecate Wine Panelists Ziggy Eschliman, a.k.a. Ziggy the Wine gal Celia Welch, Owner and Winemaker of Corra Wines Katherine Inman. Owner and Winemaker, Inman Family Wines and Lesley Russell, VP Marketing at St. Supery.

They all had incredible stories about how they got to where they were now. All of them mentioned the difficulties of working in a male dominated field. What was interesting to me about the panel was the starkly different personalities who had all created very successful careers for themselves.

What Does A Successful Business Woman Look Like?

If you would have asked me to create what I thought a successful business woman looked like when I was 15 years old I would have drawn something similar to what we see in the stock photo images we see on websites. She would be angular and slim, in a tight fitting black suit, high heels, pearls and stockings. She’d be standing, hunched over the desk with one hand down on the table looking ready to pounce.

If you google “business woman,” you get something somewhat similar to what I describe. Although in reality (according to google image results) she has dark hair, glasses and a black suit with a white collar (something you might find a hostess wearing at a nice restaurant). She generally has her arms folded over her chest or her hand on her chin. She’s always smiling.

What I’ve come to realize is there’s no one size fits all business woman look. The one defining characteristic among all business women is resilience. They keep getting back up no matter how many times they fall down.

Women who work in business tend to have thick skin–or whatever you call having to deal with hardship, setback, skepticism, dismissive assumptions by colleagues, being the nurturer for the family while carrying the burden of work, children, marriage challenges (sometimes divorce)… Women become tough when they realize how incredibly strong they have to be to survive through all of life’s pressures. This doesn’t mean men don’t have pressures, but it means they have more support systems set up for themselves. After all we’ve only been in the workforce for about half a century. We don’t have the centuries of support systems that catch us when we fall.

From what I can tell, when we fall we eat dirt and look for ways to clean ourselves up without making it anyone else’s burden.

There are words that people have created for women when we ask for what we want. Nagging, crazy, screetchy voice, needy….but the truth is, if a man were to say the same things in the same tone, he would just be called “direct” or “a man who demands excellence” or “creative genius.”

Corporate Women Mentoring Programs, All Talk and No Action?

Recently I met with a woman at a large consumer packaged goods company. She told me that while the company acts like it supports internal support systems for women, when it comes to actual mentoring and a culture of support, it’s non-existent.

Once I worked with an executive in the tech industry who told me he did not believe women were an under-served group of the population. He rolled his eyes that I believed women needed special support in the business world.

Instead of waiting around for employers or the other people in our lives to understand what we need, we need to go out and create it for ourselves. We need to create it for the next generation of women, and continue to create cultures of support across America.

Regarding media for men vs. media for women….even the media that is created for men convinces men of their own confidence, power and potential. For women the media saturates us with messages of insecurity, anxiety, subordinance and fear.

Enough is enough. The more women can come together and realize the potential–that there is nothing above our heads but endless sky and nothing around our hearts except unconditional love–we will improve as an under-served group of the population.

There is no real competition. The idea of women having to compete with each other for opportunities, love and success is a fallacy.

The more one of us succeeds the more possibilities for the next one. If we stop competing by trying to meet the standards that our culture has created for us, and come together, the better we will turn out collectively.

I saw a quote this week on twitter from Project Eve. The quote was:

“It’s not about breaking through the glass ceiling, it’s about building your own house.” 

We all can build houses where women can be themselves. Where we sit around the room in circles with wine or chocolate or a yoga mat and nothing to ingest and talk, candidly.

Brave

I went to an event this week and I did an exercise with a group of women. The exercise was an ice breaker to figure out commonalities among the group. I later found out one of the group members happened to be Katherine Sarafian the Producer of the Pixar movie Brave.

I was delightfully surprised that if you open your eyes and look around, you are much closer to the people who share your values than you assume on first glance. I had no clue this woman was the mind behind Brave, a feminist cartoon movie that changed the game for the entire entertainment industry. It was the first movie I’ve seen to depict an independent female lead who doesn’t believe a fairytale prince charming will solve her life.

Get Out of the House and Meet With Other Women

The more I “get out of the house” and meet with other women in my community the happier I am. The more I realize that there is no cookie cutter “business woman” that exists. I learn that really successful women ask for what they want, and more importantly give themselves what they need.

They put themselves first.

That is how women go on to create hugely successful careers in industries like wine, media and more.

What did you think a “business woman” looked like when you were growing up? Were you right?

The Hungry Homemaker: How Women Are Taught To Feed While Depriving Herself

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I’m interested in the relationship between women and food. That being said I’ve been reading Fat is a Feminist issue by Susie Orbach. I’m reading this book because I’m curious about how woman are taught to be nurturers and providers, while also taught they must deprive themselves of food in order to be worthy.

As Susie Orbach wrote in her book that looks at compulsive eating, “The roots of compulsive eating in women stem from women’s position in society–she feeds everyone else, but her needs are personally illegitimate.”

To be slim is the ultimate achievement for women. But to magnify this pressure, it’s not just about being disciplined about what goes in your mouth, you also must be the perfect homemaker–crafty, DIY, it’s cool in a 50s kitschy way to be the perfect homemaker today in 2012.

There’s nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, but there is something deeply wrong with the media’s relentless cacophony of messaging that women must be perfect. And we participate in the creation of this cultural reality for women.

Go look at Pinterest. Pinterest features an array of fashionable clothes, artfully witty infographics about feeling guilty for eating chocolate, tips on how to get a six pack, photos of Ryan Gosling, religious messages,  and aesthetically pleasing photographs of food. It’s like being in the mind of the girls from the Virgin Suicides if they ever grew up. It’s a scary place–and this ladies and gentleman is the dominant ideology of America in 2012.

“In a woman’s psychology, an important aspect of her self-esteem derives from her ability to be a good nurturer–in perhaps a parallel sense the aspect of self-esteem that a man derives from his job and his capacity to be the economic provider….if we take a look at almost any magazine that is directed at women, a woman is assaulted page after page with reminders about her responsibility to feed others…At the same time, the not-so-subtle message of women’s magazines and daytime television advertisements is that women cannot afford to rely on their judgement about what food is appropriate.”

What Susie Orbach wrote about in the late 70s is not a new story, but the sheer omnipresence of that story has grown due to the spread of technology. Everywhere we look we are told we must be thin and we must also be the providers–the one who makes the decision in the house about what’s for dinner.

Additionally women learn to hate their bodies at a young age, often through their relationship with their mothers. How she feels about herself is passed down through the generations.

“A woman’s body we learn, is not a very good or safe environment to live inside. Rarely are our mothers and other female adults able to convey to a young woman that her body, whatever natural shape it has is a source of pride and of beauty since they themselves have not been able to feel that….It is no wonder then that we become frightened of our bodies and see them not as where we live but as a part of us that we must control, watch and direct.”

That joke about the Jewish mother (or Greek mother or any mother), “eat, eat, you’re skin and bone” rings true. Women sweat to feed their families but when it comes to their own needs, forget about it. And not providing for the family in the kitchen makes you less of a woman.

“Food is what she gives to others but must deprive herself of. Food is good for others but somehow dangerous to the woman herself. Food, which is imbued with the spirit of giving when prepared for others, takes on a sinister face when women eat. A woman is meant to police her eating, to feel cautious of what she eats. Food is her power in the family, it is her way of caring for others. Food is her power in the family, it is a means by which she exerts incredible influence; she brings comfort, reward, reassurance through it.”

I want to know, as a society what is this obsession with looking like a teenage boy? Why is the media still dictating that the ideal woman looks like Justin Bieber, but has big boobs? Who is driving home that image? Are they straight?

We need to start questioning what we all take as normal and acceptable. It’s not acceptable.

The Media Simulates A “Not Enough” Experience For Women

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Our experience here on planet earth is simulated by the environment in which we live.

We experience that environment as a set of cultural norms–slowly conditioning us to live in civil society throughout our childhood and into adulthood.

A few months ago I listened to an NPR story on Fresh Air about an Afghanistan vet named Sam Brown who returned from war with severe burns all over his body. His pain was excruciating and the only treatment that cooled his suffering was not a treatment at all. It was a virtual world called “SnowWorld.”

This simulation created an illusion where he walked with snowy penguins along cool winding rivers. It was the only thing that could soothe his burning body.

I bring this up because recently I saw this video created by Dove called “Onslought” and I was once reminded of how our experience here on earth is a simulated experience thanks to the increasingly intimate media we’re entrenched in. I was reminded those who have the power to influence that experience have become belligerent and ravenous in their appetite for insecure girls and women who are brainwashed by this simulated experience. The experience repeatedly tells females they’re not enough. And there’s a fiscal reason for this powerful and all-consuming messaging. It’s profitable.

If the powers at be are simulating the experience for girls and women here on earth, what is that experience?

While as adults we can choose what to watch and who to listen to, it is almost impossible to unlearn a set cultural norms.

I’m reading a book right now called “Fat is a Feminist Issue.” It’s an old book published in 1978 by Susie Orbach.

I’m reading this book because I’m curious to understand the difference in the women of the 70s who were then in their early 20s and 30s and women today.

“The emphasis on presentation as the central aspect of a woman’s existence makes her extremely self-conscious. It demands that she occupy herself with a self-image that others will find pleasing and attractive–an image that will immediately convey what kind of woman she is. She must observe and evaluate herself, scrutinizing every detail of herself as though she were an outside judge. She attempts to make herself in the image of womanhood presenting by billboards, newspapers, magazines and television.

The media present women either in a sexual context or within the family, reflecting a woman’s two prescribed roles, first as a sex object, then as a mother. She is brought up to marry by ‘catching’ a man with her good looks and pleasing manner. To do this she must look appealing, earthy, sensual, sexual, virginal, innocent, reliable, daring, mysterious, coquettish and thin. In other words she offers her self-image on the marriage marketplace. As a married woman, her sexuality will be sanctioned and her economic needs will be looked after….

Since women are taught to see themselves from the outside as candidates for men, they become prey to the huge fashion and diet industries that first set up the ideal images and then exhort women to meet them. The message is loud and clear–the woman’s body is not her own. The woman’s body is not satisfactory as it is.”

Reading this book has been eye-opening. I believe Orbach’s words are more relevant than ever. The media becomes an increasingly intimate part of our lives. The pressures on girls and women to meet a set of unrealistic expectations set upon us by the media I believe has complicated women’s relationships with their own bodies. Additionally now women are still involved in a marketplace of sorts–however they are taught to compete to be perfect girls while being their own bread winner (until a man comes along to save them from having to not only work hard on her looks but work hard to pay rent). Even I somehow fell victim to this message as a child of the 80s.

Consider this excerpt from the book “Fat Is A Feminist Issue.“

“Failure and success are powerful concepts within our world. Very early on we absorb the idea that a limit has been set on what is available and we learn to compete for what is around. If we are successful we are rewarded and if we are unsuccessful our lot is to suffer…..Competitive feelings get triggered in a situation of scarcity where there is not enough to go around, or where only a certain number of people can be rewarded. In general, men are taught to compete against other men for jobs and status. They gain prestige in the world of work by being better than other men…Women are forced to compete with each other for the man who will help the winner secure her social position”

We continue to climb to the top to be the most sexually attractive, groomed and socially viable option. However we’re also taught we need to be incredibly accomplished in our careers as well. The modern woman needs to be perfect. There is no margin for error. At least that’s what the simulated experience is by the media.

“In this battle for social survival, women are essentially competing on the basis of their sexual appeal while other aspects of their personality are viewed as attributes to be paraded in the attempt to secure a man.”

I am fascinated with the notion that to be a woman is to constantly walk with extremely contradictory ideas in her mind.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog we simulate our reality here on earth, but who is directing this simulation? Is the simulator being responsible? Or are they simulating an experience of “not enough” so we continue to buy products promising “enough.” How long will we stand here drinking it all in?

 

Empowerment Is An Inside Job; Project Enough

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Beyond the broken-ness there’s a place that’s never been broken, and as women we need to help each other find that place.

We need to teach women how to come home to themselves. We spend our lives in a state of distraction. I’ve come to realize that true power comes from being “home,” literally. We women–if we truly want to be powerful–need to comfortable in our own skin. We walk around like the answers are out THERE. But we know in our heart of hearts the answers are in HERE.

I went to a retreat last weekend taught by my favorite author Geneen Roth, and she inspired many of the ideas in this post. More than anything she reminded me that we need to show women how to be home in their bodies. Happiness and empowerment is an inside job. We spend our lives shaming ourselves, busy with diets, the good girl-bad girl game, soaked in guilt, fear, deprivation…. The truth is shaming and torturing ourselves will never lead to making us more empowered human beings. As women who do we believe ourselves to be?

With all that being said, you’ve read my blogs about “getting angry,” and that might be part of the process. Whatever it takes to get women to wake up and see that there is a major problem with not only how we are treated by the media, but the fact that we say yes media companies, you’re right–we are purely sex objects.

Can you imagine if we could turn numbers such as the ten million women in the U.S. who have eating disorders, and make that ten million women who have cocky disorders. Yes please, because in this world–we’re far from it.

This project I’ve been talking about is really a movement that starts with you. I want you to start sharing your stories. I want you–women–to start telling the truth about what’s happening behind closed doors. It’s time that we stop lying to ourselves and to the world that what the media is doing is ok. It’s most definitely not ok, and it has to stop. We can make it stop. Together we have the power. Because we’ve had enough.

Project Enough


here’s a mockup of the site. It’s just a first version, what Project Enough could be.

Just to refresh you on Project Enough, it’s called Project Enough because we are enough and we’ve had enough.

Can you imagine a world where media companies and the corporations that pay them created messaging campaigns to tell women they were worthy and amazing–not problems to be solved? I want to encourage women to share there stories of vulnerability, strength, introspection, self-development, doubt, tragedy, triumph, jubilation.

We need to see that all women are going through the same thing, and put an end to the judging, the name-calling and the gossip. We need to band together.

I want to create a magazine that is feminist in nature without apologizing about it. The women’s movement has disappeared, and what we are fighting today is a much bigger, omniscient monster–possibly more destructive than anything in the past. I’m looking at you Gen Y–we need to stand up!

While there are many women’s magazines out there that address these issues, a lot of them have a tone of sarcasm. That was never enough for me, and I am not embarrassed or apologetic about being spiritual, and seeking out an honest conversation about what it is to be female in America in 2012.

I also feel that eventually this magazine could turn into something bigger, to empower women across the country and the world. We ignite this movement with crowdsourced storytelling. Good writing that comes from the heart–writing that is honest, sad, funny, engaging, relevant, raw storytelling.

Assembly Line Messaging

Today there’s much talk about where our food comes from. There are plenty of documentaries that trace the path of the food once it leaves the assembly line. Pressure groups have brought this to the attention of policy makers and the corporations–many of whom have changed their corrupt ways because of the pressure put on them.

I believe the same needs to happen with the media industry. The media industry today is also an assembly line pumping out images of hyper-sexualized young women—and these images are everywhere. You cannot escape it. Turn on the t.v. Walk outside. Open a magazine.

Do the media companies trace the side-effects of their messaging? Do they hear the stories of anorexia and bulimia? If they saw the faces of the victims–many of whom aren’t even old enough to vote, would they stop?

Someone needs to control the media industry’s outright attack on women’s bodies, and it’s not going to be anyone but us to call them on it.

If you want to get involved, I need writers to contribute their personal stories. I need someone who wants to build this website. I need people to back it in any way they can. And more than anything I need you to tell all the women that you know that we’ve had enough, we are enough, and we’re going to make change.

Promises I Make to Myself

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I will allow myself to rest when I’m tired

I will always put myself first. Just as if a plane goes down, if you don’t have oxygen, you can’t provide oxygen to anyone else

I will never blindly leap into a relationship or job thinking anyone but me can save me [although I was lucky that I was intuitive enough when I met Jacob to fly to San Francisco and abandon my life in NYC. But this was THE exception. I only met Jacob after I loved myself.]

I will always check in and ask what will nourish me. If it’s a cupcake I’ll give myself the cupcake and savor every bite, but if what I’m hungry for is not to be found in the fridge I will also give it to myself. I will never eat when I’m upset.

I will never stay in situations where someone else is taking advantage of me or making me feel shame.

I will always kiss my dog when I need it, and never be embarrassed about burying my face in her fur when I feel like it.

I will not shop or drink when I’m upset-I’ll sit with my emotions and feel them.

I will not absorb the negativity around me, even if it’s focused at me. I will let negativity roll off my shoulders and pass like a ship in the night.

I will inspire other women when I inspire myself.

I will heal other women and tell them to love their bodies when I love my own body, imperfections and all.

I will not force myself to do things I do not feel comfortable doing, and I will not undervalue my contributions.

I will not be afraid of what I want.

Join Project Enough

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I’m inspiring a movement to get women talking. It’s called Project Enough. I’m looking for someone who is interested to get involved who can help map out the business plan–as movements demand resources.

It’s called Project Enough because we’re enough, and we’ve had enough.

The goal is to empower women—make them feel strong, safe, worthy and confident. I’m doing this because I’ve personally struggled with a lot of what my generation faces–body shame, depression, anxiety–and the problem is none of us are talking about it.

The movement will grow into a full media company that targets female middle schoolers, high schoolers, women in their early twenties and connect them with older women as well.

The movement will include a website that incentivizes women to share their stories. The site will also connect girls and women across the age spectrum in forums, a mentoring capacity and events locally, nationally and even internationally. The site should be free.

As I mentioned I’m looking for someone to support this idea with a business strategy. Are you, or someone you know, experienced in creating business plans, and would you like to help? I will be posting this on kickstarter once I have all the ducks in a row. Let me know if you’d like to help-or know someone who wants to be involved. Men are welcome to get involved as well.

My reaction to Gender Armageddon and the Broken Women’s Movement [video]

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This video was created in response to an article I saw tonight called “Gender Armageddon and the Broken Women’s Movement.” Amy Siskind, retired Wall St. Exec and founder of an interesting site called The New Agenda writes in Huff Po:

Lately, I’ve become obsessed with Girls, the new HBO series about women in their 20s. Not in a joyful way. In a worried, watching a car wreck kind of way.

Okay, I’ll own it. The reason I’m mesmerized by the girls in Girls — the hapless, aimless, tragic victims — is because of guilt. We’ve let these young women down. We were tone deaf to their generation’s needs and struggles, and failed to support and equip them with tools to thrive and succeed. Instead, we’ve allowed the media complex, with its 97% male top brass, to fill the void and define our young women and girls as sexualized, often victimized, objects. Today, 3 of 4 teen girls feel depressed, guilty and shameful.

I agree with Amy in so many ways, and I believe this was what Lena Dunham captures with her show “GIRLS,” ironic title (not yet women, not quite young girls). She is the first producer I’ve seen actually capture the dark stuff–the awkwardness of sex in an age where the media gives men some warped ideas around what is sexy, and leaves women largely out of that conversation (GIRLS characters Adam and Hannah’s relationship). Hannah makes bad decisions time and again, and looks for love in all the wrong places, but you can’t dislike her, because on some level you have been her.

In addition “Gender Armageddon” writer Amy created a roundup of this month’s anti-woman news:

Just this month, Patti Hart (Yahoo) and Ina Drew (JP Morgan) ‘stepped down’ for the misdeeds of their male counterparts. The Cannes Film Festival brushed off criticism of it’s all male line-up. Women’s Professional Soccer folded. TIME wondered if we were mom enough. Men moved into jobs traditionally held by women, then leapfrogged us up the glass escalator into management. The Catholic Bishops announced an investigation of the Girl Scouts. Shall I continue?

I feel that a new movement is necessary to address relevant issues affecting women everywhere, including the hugely important Gen Y (and our little sisters). What Lena Dunham drives home in her show, and what Amy gets at in her article, is that we haven’t prepared girls for adulthood, and the tough stuff that hits us at younger and younger ages (as we grow up faster). I believe we need to take a stand against the media, be strong for ourselves, and stand up against the organizational structures and systems that keep us down. What we don’t realize is how much power we already have, but we choose not to exercise.


Setting Yourself Free From Body Shame

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I clearly remember the first time someone made me feel real body shame.

I was 15 years old. I was at a quinceañera, and it was late at night at the party. A very obnoxious and popular guy who I knew from school decided to pull my pants down in front of a group of other people.

I was humiliated.

And that was the beginning of the shame I had about my body. Real shame about being a woman.

About having an ass, having thighs, having thoughts that I wanted to share.

The body shame converted itself into the taking up space shame.

What self esteem I had took a steep dive. I couldn’t speak in public. My face would turn beat red, my throat would close up and I would feel shaky. So how did one brave little girl lose herSELF and turn into a fumbling self-conscious walking apology?

For many years the voices inside of me that told me I wasn’t good enough won. I began to participate in my own objectification.

I was on a constant treadmill of self-loathing. I spent a lot of time shopping. I spent a lot of time dissecting my looks, hating my body.

I played the good girl bad girl game about food, diet and exercise. I became that voice I heard externally that told me it wasn’t ok for me to take up space. Who I was at my core wasn’t ok.

Unzipping the Straightjacket of Shame

As I got older, I had to fight for opportunities. I had to survive with the voices inside of me that were holding me back for so long.

Eventually I started to figure things out. I took the power away from those who had a hold over me. I understood that being a strong woman was sexy. Through my work I gained self-esteem. Eventually I turned my sadness and hopelessness into anger. I found my voice, I found my power.

I started to fight back by taking care of myself.

Why would you blog about something so personal?

Now that I’m older I care more about helping other women fight for their rights to take up space more than I care about being judged. I know who I am and what I stand for. I don’t stand for a society that is violent against women.

I want this world to be a safe, gentle and nurturing space for all girls, for all women. Whether if it’s at school or at work or at home or at the college party, I want all women to feel safe.

Today I want women to rise up and get angry. I want women to  question the way they are compliant participants in their own objectification. I want women to think twice before poisoning their bodies with chemicals including diet food pills alcohol or other drugs.

It Happens More Often Then You Hear About: Violence Against Women.

I was at a recent performance of The Vagina Monologues. After the performance we were asked to stand if we had personally incurred sexual or physical violence. I couldn’t believe how many women stood–at least 30% of the room. Then we were asked how many of us knew someone who had incurred sexual or physical violence. Nearly 75% of the room stood. I was shocked.

1/3 women will incur sexual or physical violence in her lifetime. The violence has to stop.

The global change that needs to happen has to start inside. The change has to shift within our core.

We have to start saying yes to ourselves and no to forces that manipulate and control us through shame. We have to start loving our asses, loving our thighs and loving our thoughts.

Shame sits deep in our unconscious, manifesting itself in throughout our adulthood.

When we’re afraid to speak in public, afraid to ask for our worth at work, afraid to leave an abusive boyfriend or spouse, or tell our boss they way they speak to us is not ok–we are letting shame win.

I encourage you to take 20 minutes to watch Brene Brown’s 2nd Ted Talk. It could be life changing for you.

Brene Brown, reknown shame researcher tells us shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, bullying, anger, suicide, and eating disorders. So many of us suffer in silence.

The silence is overshadowed by shaming that happens every day toward women on our screens, at work and in our relationships.

Because of the constant shaming we have become disconnected from our feminine spirit. We’ve shut her down to avoid further pain and rejection.

I want women who are still suffering with feelings of shame–women who are hiding, to understand that you are not alone. That we are all much stronger than we think we are, and together we are going to rise up against this violence, in a powerful and wise way–and we are going to win our girls back. We are going to win ourSELVES back.