Tag Archives: empowerment

Eating Dessert Makes You Thin

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Many of us walk very thin tight ropes when it comes to pleasure. We avoid falling into our cravings, afraid that if we give ourselves what we deeply desire, we will lose control. We won’t be able to stop.

If you are female you know the pressure is real to be thin. It’s everywhere, but most importantly it sits in our heads.

And it sat in mine for a long time.

But at a certain point I got off the treadmill. I allowed myself to devote only 25-30 minutes at most to work-outs. I told the obsessor to jump in a lake, and cut my workouts down. Additionally (and more dangerously) I also allowed myself to eat what I wanted.

And what I wanted was frozen yogurt.

Every night I had a tradition of making tea and preparing my favorite nighttime snack. This was frozen yogurt (mint chocolate chip or the new Fage 0% blueberry) mixed with ginger cookies that were dipped in tea. This would make the cookies warm and gooey and would create a swirl in the frozen yogurt. This was always enjoyed while watching one of my favorite shows like “Modern Family” or “Girls” or “Happy Ending”….the ultimate double indulgence.

I became lazy about watching my food, and I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted. I told the perfectionist in me to relax, go put her feet up.

Then came the week of my boyfriend’s birthday. I ate cake four days in a row.

What I didn’t realize was that allowing myself to indulge made it less forbidden. The sweets were not as exciting because they were not off limits. The rebel in me became bored. Then at a certain point I no longer needed the desserts every night.

[Some of you might role your eyes..."oh Frozen Yogurt...that's the healthy stuff, she's crazy." The truth is when you are short and curvy and you're trying to lose a few pounds...eating a bunch of sugar (even fro yo)--before bed--will get you.]

After the fro yo indulgence and burnout I decided that was enough dessert and I wanted to be more aware of what I was eating. I wasn’t caving in to the enemy by being aware of my health, but rather going after something that I wanted for a long time–and that was being able to go to bed without dessert (or wine). Tracking what I ate didn’t seem horrible like it once did. And now I track what I eat.


The cookie monster within you will set you free

From tracking I realized I wasn’t eating enough during the day. What I learned from tracking my food is that you shouldn’t deprive yourself all day only to eat too much at night. Don’t let the diet industry manage your thoughts all day until you can’t take it anymore and you eat everything in the fridge.

Now I get to eat what I want during the day. I eat peanut butter. Sometimes I eat it twice a day. I don’t eat the whole jar, but I eat it. And it tastes wonderful. As of very recently I’m not eating chocolate protein bars anymore, but real chocolate…

And I feel a lot better. Neither weight watchers nor the gym nor a low carb, high protein diet were the answers for me. It was actually getting past the mental barriers in my mind about pleasure and deprivation.

There is a weird thing in America around eating. The big lie the diet industry tells us is we can shame and abuse ourselves into getting thin. The truth is you don’t abuse food when you don’t feel deprived of it.

So the psychology lesson is when you don’t deprive yourself, you end up empowered. You get control of your life and your choices. You do that by giving yourself what you need when you need it.

You can see my electronic hoarding of desserts on Pinterest. The hoarding is only happening online now I’m happy to report. Until I feel like eating cake again…and I will eat it, without guilt.

 

Give Yourself a Permission Slip: A Message For Women

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Successful people go do what they know in their heart of hearts is the right thing without a “permission slip.” This permission comes from an internal unshakable belief in themselves.

Women must realize that they will never be given the permission slip they are waiting for. Being liked will not bring success. The media tells women (and society at large) that well-behaved, manicured and quiet women who don’t take up space will be rewarded.

This is a big fat lie. The media continues to tell women that being liked, being pretty and being thin will bring unconditional love. The truth is unconditional love from others starts with unconditional love for oneself. Women need to start a revolution of self-love. When this happens our entire cultural landscape will shift. When women make a radical decision of self-love the media will no longer have the hold over women and girls that it does. The messages that women need to fit into a specific (unachievable) ideal will be obsolete. Advertisers will finally be frowned upon for perpetuating these myths about women in their messaging.

How Women Climb Ladders (Corporate and otherwise)

Often when you do something innovative or new, people resent you for it. You must continue moving forward despite criticism from skeptics–and I promise you there will be people who do not “like” it. Leaders (like Steve Jobs) innovate despite criticism from others.

How can more women start acting like Steve Jobs, and less like Kate Hudson’s character from “How to Lose A Guy In Ten Days”?

Leadership opportunities go to those who step up to lead. No one can make you a leader. You must see yourself as a leader first. I wonder what this world would look like if women stepped up. If women had unshakable belief in their abilities. If women spent their time going after what they wanted instead of obsessing over their looks and who liked them. Today is the day. I hereby grant you permission to go after what you want.

I want women to come home to themselves. I want women to give themselves permission slips to live the lives they want on their own terms. I want women to realize that the princess Disney trope doesn’t bring happiness, wealth or well-being. I want women to slip themselves the permission slip to live outloud.

We Got Our Groove Back, A Workshop Wrap-Up

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As a younger version of myself I was consistently frustrated with the lack opportunities to sit around with like-minded women doing the life-work that I so badly needed.

The lack of resources and support I felt I had fuels the process of creating just that; environments, content and resources for women that I always wanted but never had access to.

Life can be very busy, and when we don’t make time for ourselves the days disappear in a blur of work commutes, deadlines and errands.

When we finally do make the time for our spirits we realize  how incredibly restorative and healing this time can be.

Usually we hide this “stuff” at the bottom of our closet. When we finally start digging around in there we discover gems we forgot existed.

In the launch Get Your Groove Back workshop this weekend we had a lot of aha moments. Throughout our mix of guided discussion, activities and even meditative exercises participants said, “wow I didn’t even realize I felt that way–not until I said it outloud…”

The Opportunity To Emote In A Safe Space

We read about the poor numbers of women in leadership positions–especially in sectors like technology.

It is my personal belief that we need to stop focusing on this external conversation, and on an individual basis look inward and ask ourselves what is stopping us. By teaching women to love themselves–to feel enough–and provide women with the tools to get through the everyday challenges, the glass ceiling in any aspect of women’s lives will disappear.

The truth is as CEO of GetSatisfaction Wendy Lea said in a video interview once women don’t need to act like men in the workplace. She says “the female part of you is a good part, don’t mask that, be that, respect that, honor it. When you mask it you lose yourself.” And she’s right.

Much to notoriously tough corporate executive Martha Stewart’s chagrin, there is crying in baseball. Women shouldn’t feel like they have to stuff all their feelings down–because if you’ve ever done that before you know that eventually your repressed feelings blow the lid.

While crying at work isn’t the way to get yourself a raise, having a safe space to emote can be incredibly helpful–especially if you’re in the room with like-minded women who are going through the same thing.


Here are some of our participants making vision boards in the GYGB workshop.

***

“The world will be saved by the western woman.” -Dalai Lama

The above quote was volunteered at the closing of the workshop. The participant said in 2012 women can have anything they want–but we choose not to. We live our lives for other people, never feeling enough by their standards. The thing is we need to change the dialogue–and teach women how to live for themselves.

Empowered

It was wonderful to see people sharing a part of themselves with us, and additionally share tools they use in their own lives to overcome challenges–many that stem from the challenges of being a woman–feeling enough for others and for herself.

It was exciting to launch our first Get Your Groove Back workshop and see why they came.

Here’s what the participants had to say about their motivation for attending:

  • I want to speak from a place of passion.
  • I want to figure out what empowers me.
  • I want to learn how to stay focused in my life.
  • I want to work on expressing myself on a daily basis.
  • I want to learn better tools to take care of myself.
  • I want to rediscover and connect with my passions.
  • I want to work on a concrete plan I can develop and take away with me.
  • I want to develop more self awareness around my identity as a woman and as a professional.
  • I need to develop a new career personae and the confidence that supplements that.
  • I’m a CEO in a new job and I need ways to overcome my fear of stepping out.
  • I want to reconnect with my passion for life and start writing again.

Co-teacher Dr. Barbara Mark and I were delighted by the group that joined us for the session, and we felt blessed and honored to be in the presence of such great women. Here is what they said about their workshop experience with us:

  • It was clearly thought out, very well ran and extremely informative while being relaxing, warm, and inviting. All in less than 3 hours is quite an accomplishment.
  • I liked the openness of the participants–because it was a smaller group everyone got to participate and we felt comfortable doing so.
  • The activity on “triggers” helped me identify challenges and solutions within myself.
  • The sharing session was candid and made me realize that I’m not the only person facing the problems I face. I gained problem-solving skills that will help me moving forward.
  • The exercise that built insight connecting mind and body—the visualization and the vision board work were rewarding.
  • I enjoyed the small group and opportunity to share—I also enjoyed the hands on activity—getting to be creative and learning from the experience of others.

I am so grateful to these women who attended, and opened themselves up to us.

Closing Thoughts

There are days where I forget that people actually read my blog. I put some very personal things on the internet at the hope that you are reading out there. I also hope that the hard lessons learned that I’ve gleaned will help you in your personal lives. Because it’s the internet, I don’t always know if the messages resonate with you.

One woman showed up to the workshop and said she had read my blog Promises I Make to Myself. She said the blog resonated with her.

It’s moments like this that I know I am on this journey for a reason. I know the world needs this healing work–and I’m very pulled toward it.

*Dr. Barbara Mark and I will be announcing our second workshop shortly. The workshop will focus around female empowerment. The workshop will take place August 11th, 2012 from 1:00-4:30PM in San Francisco at the Full Circle Institute at 2325 Third Street | Suite 337 | San Francisco, CA 94107. There are only ten spots. The cost is $95. Feel free to email me if you would like to reserve your spot.