Tag Archives: development

How Self Confidence Helps Small Business Owners

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There’s something about Mad Men’s Don Draper—while on the inside he might be an emotionally torn man with a dark past, you never see him sweat. His personal challenges never get in the way of his advertising meetings or a-list affairs. He exudes charm, charisma and competence.

His former secretary and now only female copy editor Peggy Olsen said it best:

“I want what you have, you seem to have everything.” What Don does have is confidence–a lot of it.

Confidence can be the chicken and the egg–when you need it most you feel the least confident, and when you need it least you feel the most confident. You can’t hide behind your computer–you must get out into the world and represent yourself and your business. In my tips below I give you some suggestions on how you can work on building your own confidence and watch your business grow as a result.

Here are my ten questions and answers for you. Tell me your own confidence building story in the comments section below.

1. Why is self-confidence important for a small business owner?

If you are not confident in yourself, would you expect others to have confidence in your abilities? As a small business owner you are the face of your company. You need to exude confidence so people get the feeling you are a capable person to do business with.

2. What are the attributes of a confident person?

A confident small business person makes eye contact. They do what they say they’re going to do. They give a strong handshake. They don’t say the filler works in their sentences “like,” “um,” “ah,” or “you know.” They take good care of themselves physically. They don’t apologize too much without reason. They have boundaries in their lives, and they don’t feel bad about notifying someone when they’ve crossed that boundary. They can take negative feedback without having it crumple them. They smile frequently and easily. They exude a glow when they talk about their company and services.

3. What are activities that can help improve confidence in small business owners?

Doing your homework can greatly improve your confidence. When you’re prepared for meetings, you will exude power because you know what you’re talking about. Challenging yourself with achievable tasks will improve your confidence in yourself, but piling on too many challenges too fast can be a confidence killer. Keep a network of supportive people around you–especially other small business owners. Having community and relationships will improve confidence. Having a coach to provide feedback is a confidence booster. Everyone needs someone unbiased to bounce ideas off of, to help them through hard times, and give encouragement when it’s needed. Continuing education and training can also help build confidence as you become more savvy in different areas of your business.

4. Is it possible to improve confidence by changing your thoughts?

“Thinking positive” is a powerful way to change your thinking. Tony Robbins says “change your state, change your life.” If we can learn to control our mind, we can completely change the landscape of ourselves and our lives.

5. Is there anything a small business owner can do to improve their impact on others?

By standing tall you will greatly improve your posture and how others see you. Body language is a hugely important factor with regard to how others perceive you. By improving your posture you will change this.

6. Do looks really matter that much for a small business owner?

If you dress nicely, you’ll feel good about yourself. You’ll feel successful and presentable and ready to tackle the world. By showing up groomed, you will feel more confident. Additionally you are an extension of your products and services. If you are not personally well put together, it’s possible your prospects will assume you don’t take care with your offering either.

7. Does gratitude help confidence?

This one is related to humility. By being grateful for what you have in life and what others have given to you you will change your entire outlook. It can improve your self-image and your overall mood. The universe rewards those who are thankful. “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
― Melody Beattie

8. Does exercise really improve confidence?

Exercise is very important for any small business owner. While sometimes it feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day, exercise can improve mood. It also helps with focus and makes us more calm. Many of us get our best ideas when we are exercising. Not only are the mental and spiritual side effects important, but it will help you feel better physically, and you’ll look better too!

9. How do small business owners avoid feeling overwhelmed, insecure and anxious with all the tasks that are required to run the business?

Don’t forget to start small. You don’t want to stress yourself out by biting off more than you can chew. Learn to break off small chunks and work in short bursts. Small tasks that you succeed in will help your overall sense of happiness and confidence.

10. Does a cleaner business person feel more confident?

Keeping organized and clean will greatly impact the amount of clutter in your mind. When your environment is cleaner you’ll find you can think clearly. Clear your desk. If your desk gets messy the world can quickly turn to chaos. Having an organized desk will help maintain a calm environment so you can think clearly (and stay organized).

11. Will relaxation help my confidence? Should I be working instead of relaxing?

We all need scheduled white space in our calendars. That means a little “me-time” every day. This “me-time” is your opportunity to recalibrate so you can continue to be an amazing creator. Relaxing can include a 5 minute meditation, a massage, a bath or even a walk with some nice music.

12. Should I celebrate my own achievements?

Absolutely. Celebrating your small wins is a hugely important aspect of having your own business. If you don’t make time to enjoy your success, you might end up feeling burned out. Feel free to make a list of all that you’ve accomplished even on a daily basis. Since you’re your own boss, you’re your own coach. Make sure to pick yourself up frequently with pats on the back.

Do you feel like Don Draper yet? Let me know your own journey to a more confident you in the comments section below. There are no judgements on this blog.

I Know This Much Is True

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I’m 28 years old. That means that I’m smarter about myself than when I was 25, and definitely 21, and even more definitely than when I was 16. I still need to work on my grammar, especially via text.

I will never be one of those woman who walks around in perfect outfits, and perfect hair and a spotless house. Every day I give myself permission to live the life I choose. And that life is one of comfort over being liked. I rarely wear shoes I can’t chase someone in (or flee from someone for that matter). I aspire to be like Tina Fey one day who talks about turning 40 in this way:

What Turning Forty Means to Me from Fey’s book Bossypants.
“I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that. But now I do.”

In the spirit of my heroes (Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling and Lena Dunham) I will share my irreverent internal “conversation” with you about what’s happening in my life.

Friendships take a front seat. I don’t have a lot of friends but I value honesty and authenticity in people, women who don’t take themselves seriously and don’t have big egos. As I’ve realized that friendships have taken a major backseat in my life I’m making that a priority. It feels great to connect with women friends again. Too much time on the computer and on social networks have made me realize that I don’t have enough real healthy friendships. Sorry facebook friends, but mostly you just disappoint me. It’s not your fault. It’s the lie that we all tell ourselves about social media. This is not a replacement for real life. Mind you this is what I do for a living, so please don’t be offended.

Fake it til you make it. At the end of August I decided I was letting myself go. So I decided to start eating less sugar and exercising. However it wasn’t all Jillian Michaels over here. There were days where I would step into the time warp that is the YMCA and I wanted to run home and eat marshmallows on the couch and watch The Voice. Then I accidentally took a latin dance class with my boyfriend’s mom and I realized that exercising could be fun again. Dancing felt way more fun than swaying back and forth on a machine that looks like it should generate solar power, but does not (elliptical machine). Then I realized that aerobics was kind of dancey and didn’t “look” that hard. Well people, it is hard. I tried one class with the raw food eating instructor at my gym and… I had to leave.

I looked like a sloppy leotard with two left feet. I was shocked by how well all these people knew these very complicated dance moves. They all looked like back up dancers, and I looked like a girl who only knew how to back up.

Eventually I went back for the beginner class, and took the intermediate classes. I learned to relax about being a perfect back up dancer at the YMCA aerobics classes. If I didn’t get a move just right I told myself “fake it til you make it.” The point of aerobics is to work up a sweat–so as long as you keep moving you don’t need to have the footwork of Jane Fonda. Just show up to class, and you’ll eventually get the hang of it.

image source

Trust the process. Things that are “worth it” take time. As an entrepreneur there are a few things I’ve realized about opportunities. I’ve learned that when you put a lot of energy into something (like marketing), you must be patient for the universe to manifest the right opportunities for you. Sometimes the universe takes its “sweet ass time.” And the universe is possibly testing you, to see if you are cut out for this exciting, exhilarating and terrifying thing we call entrepreneurship. You put it out there and you have to figure out what to do with yourself while you’re manifesting what you want. You have to have faith in yourself, and in the fact that the right doors open at the right time. My inclination is to never sit still. If you’re like me you have to teach yourself how to relax and then let the universe do its thing. If you can’t relax do a couple of aerobics classes. You’ll forget about your career pain with the distraction of your two left feet pain.

 


When You’re In Your Power

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When you’re in your power

Shame, fear and anger dissipate.
You change the molecules in a room.
You bring out the best in everyone around you.
You feel there’s enough–enough time, enough money, enough love.
You refrain from knee jerk reactions.
You feel light and airy.
You attract your desired amount of clients.
You see money in the bank.
You make decisions that are good for you, long-term.
You feel powerful and calm, and at home in your body.
You laugh easily.
You feel like you can do anything, and you do.

You have a world of exploration to do. The answers are all inside. If we had a world of confident, powerful, calm, secure women the entire landscape of American culture and society would change. And it starts with you.

9 Steps to Mastering A Life Change

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There’s nothing like Sheryl Crow’s award winning song “A Change Would Do You Good.” We all have periods in our lives where we realize we need to make change, but we’re not quite sure if we can leave our comfort zones for the arduous trek.

I love this song–it’s a wonderful anthem for how change can be powerful. Everyone can benefit from being a little more empowered.

We were put on earth to live meaningful and spiritually rewarding lives. As an individual you evolve, and benefit from setting measurable goals that keep you focused on a clear path. Every single day you can benefit from bringing you A game. A game can be applied to anything such as a project,  job or event a new relationship or health regimen. Staying focused, engaged and flexible will allow you to continually move to higher ground. While that means different things for different people, I’ve determined that to master any life change there are nine steps to mastering a life change.

When you want to bring change into our life, it almost never happens over night.

While some make success look easy, almost always they have personally gone through their own journey including years of hard work and struggle behind the scenes.

It is my personal belief that to flow with the natural current is to drive in the direction of our individual truth. We have to constantly iterate in our own lives moving with environmental or circumstantial change. Additionally there’s a flavor of necessary change–plain ol’ stuck-in-a-rut and need to change.


And here’s my animation that announces the nine steps with a short example of a “yellow house.”

Here are the nine steps I’ve outlined that lead to any habit change, emotion mastery or attitude change.

1. Denial

You know your life isn’t turning out like you had in mind originally, but you are so stuck in your habits that the thought of not having the crutch you rely on sounds terrifying. You refuse to believe that you have a problem and busy yourself so you don’t have to recognize that things need to change. You surround yourself with people who also lead the type of life that you do preventing anyone from reminding you that this is not the best decision for you.

2. Awareness

You’re getting tired of the same old results from the same actions. You see your life is not changing in the way you want it to. You don’t have the self confidence, groove and ease of life you felt you once had. You see successful people who have what you want and wonder what they’re doing that you’re not doing. You’re frustrated that things haven’t turned out differently, but you’re not quite sure you’re ready to make personal change. You’re starting to understand the “why” of making a change.

3. Research.

You start casually looking for answers. You google, you read books, you follow people who are doing what you want to do, and so on and so forth. With the web this is the easiest part. Most of the questions we have are just a click away. You make calls with people. You have coffees with people. You research events to go to, meet-ups to check out and so on.

4. Contemplation.

You have all the knowledge you need to move forward. Now is the time you are thinking if you are really ready to step out of your comfort zone. This could include going without something you’ve had as a comfort for a long time, or pushing yourself harder than you have. You are deciding if you are ready to make a life-long habit change. You are considering the pros and cons of taking action.

5. Planning.

You start writing down a plan. You create a step-by-step guide for how you will get from where you are to where you want to be. You continue to consider the  “why,” but now unpack the “how.” You take all the best tips from the meetings, research and reading you did and create a tactical plan of how you can apply this to your own life. You create achievable milestones for yourself that will push you forward without making it so difficult you give up.

6. Action

You’ve decided that the results you are looking for are worth the sacrifice or investment that you will have to make. You gather all the information from your research and start putting a plan into action.

7. Reflection

It’s harder than you thought it would be. Can you do this? Maybe you’ll throw it all away and go back to the old way of doing things. But you know you won’t be happy that way. This is feeling difficult, uncomfortable and taking longer than you thought it would. Can I do it? I’ll give it a few more days–and if nothing changes…..

8. Habit Change

You didn’t think you would get through those first hurdles, but you made it! You’re riding the bicycle. It’s much easier, more fluid, and fun than you ever thought it would be. It comes natural to you and is now part of your every day life. You can’t believe that you did it but you did. Now that you have made this life change, you want to see what else you can change in your life. It’s a no brainer–you’ve mastered it!

9. Mastery.

Your whole life is beginning to change. The way people react to you is so much brighter. You have more energy, you’re attracting different people to you than you used to, and you recognize who you used to be in other people (and you never want to be that person again). Life is great when you believe in yourself.

As a sidenote:
I have personally made a commitment that I won’t help people unless they ask me for help. There is nothing worse than trying to tell a family member or friend they need to change when they don’t want your help. People have to be ready to change, and there’s a process that comes with that.

Don’t Throw In The Towel, Wrap Your Hair In It

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We all have moments where we feel like throwing in the towel. And during these moments–when we’re feeling vulnerable–it’s easy to conjure up images of what women should do when they’re feeling down-and-out. Three things for me come to mind: chocolate, alcohol and shopping.

The truth about all these short term answers….

Drinking is a depressant–it makes you feel up and then shoots you straight down. What goes up must come down. And shopping when you’re upset can lead to impulse buys and unfortunately for many women in America–credit card debt. All of these things provide short highs and eventually long lows. They simply don’t do what we’re told they should do–make us feel lovely and amazing.

So much of what we’re taught is the answer by the media and advertising is in fact the opposite of the answer. These ephemeral activities don’t leave us emotionally nourished, refreshed or invigorated.

A private moment with a quarter pounder with cheese, a dove chocolate or a tall glass of midori sour doesn’t give us internal nourishment. Real long-term success comes from taking care of our spirits. That includes nourishing our bodies with nutritional food and drink. Additionally financial stability is empowering. Rather than shop save money and invest wisely in your future. So I’m here to set the story straight on how to get yourself out of a rut. I beg you don’t throw in the towel, just take better care of yourSELF.

Kim K. having a great time at a party–probably after a long stressful week at work.
Am I the only San Francisco driver to see this billboard?

I’m not here to berate you about what you eat and drink. I’m here to teach you some simple tools during your dark moment that help you to feel enough. Remember, you’re enough!

Here are six tips you can use for when you’re having a “moment.”

1. Having a tough moment at work? Step outside and take ten deep breaths. Work isn’t the best venue for self-expression. It’s not a good idea to let your boss and your coworkers see you having a bad day (but we’re all human and we all have them). At the same time keeping your feelings at bay for too long will distract you from your work. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling in a safe space. Go outside for a walk, even sneak away to the women’s restroom for a three minute mediation. I don’t care where you can find three minutes of solitude–go find it. Your day depends on it. If you can sneak in a work-out, even better. I work out every day to put myself in a place of gratitude. We were meant to breathe deeply, move and emote. Exercise gets your breathing.

2. Don’t dive into your career stress, take a bath. The funny thing about advertising is we are often taught that when things get stressful, we should reach for a drink. We are taught that a private moment with a chocolate bar is that one panacea that will make us feel strong, competent and happy. The truth is food and alcohol are not the first things women should grab when life gets stressful. A bath can be a wonderful activity that can be nourishing, relaxing and rejuvinating. If you’re feeling like diving into your cabinet to down a box of Madeline cookies, a warm bath (with salts too) will nourish you (and there’s no guilt). Hot baths not only soothe your mind but your muscles too. Hot baths soothe the lungs, heart, stomach and endocrine system by stimulating nerve reflexes on the spinal chord.

3. Allow yourself to feel and process. Women need time to reflect on their lives, their careers and their relationships. There is nothing wrong with letting out a good cry if you need it. Crying helps us release. Crying balances our chemicals. Journaling can also be a great way to stay on top of your moods. By writing down how you feel, you take a load off–even if it’s a note on your iphone or your ipad. Jotting your emotions down can feel amazing.

4. Get a coach or therapist. All too often women don’t have boundaries in their lives. Families and friends cannot always help us in the way that we need. For many millennial women, our moms end up taking on the role of BFF–but at a certain point as women we need to find our own safe space to talk. When women don’t have boundaries in their lives–especially with private information–problems start to happen. By having an objective person like a coach (or even a therapist) you are better able to keep boundaries with your family, your friends and your coworkers. A coach can help you unpack your dreams and goals, and provide a step by step process on how to get there. Encouragement and support is provided along the way. Coaching is not therapy, and therapy is not coaching–however in both venues a woman is provided a private and safe space to vent. All women need a safe space to vent without concern for boundaries. Keep in mind referrals often provide the best coaches and therapists.

5. Write down what you feel proud about. Anything can look like a failure in the middle. Many successful and high achieving women are very hard on themselves. By giving yourself a pat on the back and putting on paper what you’ve accomplished you will have a different perception of where you are. Women have around 60,000 thoughts a day. Can you imagine if even 1/10 of these thoughts were “you’re lovely and amazing and you can do anything”? That’s not the case for too many women. For many women turning the majority of thoughts from a place of fear to a place of yes can be difficult.When you feel good about where you are, your next move will be a positive one. We need more persistent, calm, confident women out there so we start to see the numbers change at the top. Look at all that you’ve accomplished. Write it down. Then keep going!

6. Catch a lack of email etiquette? Back away from the computer.  Ahhh technology. You have made it so easy for us to send quick messages to one another anywhere in the world. But perhaps this is a blessing and a curse. Most people haven’t studied email etiquette, and most people just aren’t very aware of how they come across in an email. How can I emphasize this enough….Get a rude email? Someone offend you by being brief, demanding and demoralizing? Turn off your email. Get out of there. Take a few hours to go away from the computer. Learn to not respond (or postpone responding) to rude messages. Just because someone sends you an email doesn’t mean you need to respond right away. The email offender probably was never taught how to practice email etiquette. This is not about you, it’s about them. This is probably how they talk to themselves–rude, abrupt etc. Be the standard by practicing email etiquette.

Remember, don’t throw in the towel. Take a bath and wrap your hair in it!

Are you in the Bay Area? Join me for a memorable workshop August 11th to “Empower You.”

We Got Our Groove Back, A Workshop Wrap-Up

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As a younger version of myself I was consistently frustrated with the lack opportunities to sit around with like-minded women doing the life-work that I so badly needed.

The lack of resources and support I felt I had fuels the process of creating just that; environments, content and resources for women that I always wanted but never had access to.

Life can be very busy, and when we don’t make time for ourselves the days disappear in a blur of work commutes, deadlines and errands.

When we finally do make the time for our spirits we realize  how incredibly restorative and healing this time can be.

Usually we hide this “stuff” at the bottom of our closet. When we finally start digging around in there we discover gems we forgot existed.

In the launch Get Your Groove Back workshop this weekend we had a lot of aha moments. Throughout our mix of guided discussion, activities and even meditative exercises participants said, “wow I didn’t even realize I felt that way–not until I said it outloud…”

The Opportunity To Emote In A Safe Space

We read about the poor numbers of women in leadership positions–especially in sectors like technology.

It is my personal belief that we need to stop focusing on this external conversation, and on an individual basis look inward and ask ourselves what is stopping us. By teaching women to love themselves–to feel enough–and provide women with the tools to get through the everyday challenges, the glass ceiling in any aspect of women’s lives will disappear.

The truth is as CEO of GetSatisfaction Wendy Lea said in a video interview once women don’t need to act like men in the workplace. She says “the female part of you is a good part, don’t mask that, be that, respect that, honor it. When you mask it you lose yourself.” And she’s right.

Much to notoriously tough corporate executive Martha Stewart’s chagrin, there is crying in baseball. Women shouldn’t feel like they have to stuff all their feelings down–because if you’ve ever done that before you know that eventually your repressed feelings blow the lid.

While crying at work isn’t the way to get yourself a raise, having a safe space to emote can be incredibly helpful–especially if you’re in the room with like-minded women who are going through the same thing.


Here are some of our participants making vision boards in the GYGB workshop.

***

“The world will be saved by the western woman.” -Dalai Lama

The above quote was volunteered at the closing of the workshop. The participant said in 2012 women can have anything they want–but we choose not to. We live our lives for other people, never feeling enough by their standards. The thing is we need to change the dialogue–and teach women how to live for themselves.

Empowered

It was wonderful to see people sharing a part of themselves with us, and additionally share tools they use in their own lives to overcome challenges–many that stem from the challenges of being a woman–feeling enough for others and for herself.

It was exciting to launch our first Get Your Groove Back workshop and see why they came.

Here’s what the participants had to say about their motivation for attending:

  • I want to speak from a place of passion.
  • I want to figure out what empowers me.
  • I want to learn how to stay focused in my life.
  • I want to work on expressing myself on a daily basis.
  • I want to learn better tools to take care of myself.
  • I want to rediscover and connect with my passions.
  • I want to work on a concrete plan I can develop and take away with me.
  • I want to develop more self awareness around my identity as a woman and as a professional.
  • I need to develop a new career personae and the confidence that supplements that.
  • I’m a CEO in a new job and I need ways to overcome my fear of stepping out.
  • I want to reconnect with my passion for life and start writing again.

Co-teacher Dr. Barbara Mark and I were delighted by the group that joined us for the session, and we felt blessed and honored to be in the presence of such great women. Here is what they said about their workshop experience with us:

  • It was clearly thought out, very well ran and extremely informative while being relaxing, warm, and inviting. All in less than 3 hours is quite an accomplishment.
  • I liked the openness of the participants–because it was a smaller group everyone got to participate and we felt comfortable doing so.
  • The activity on “triggers” helped me identify challenges and solutions within myself.
  • The sharing session was candid and made me realize that I’m not the only person facing the problems I face. I gained problem-solving skills that will help me moving forward.
  • The exercise that built insight connecting mind and body—the visualization and the vision board work were rewarding.
  • I enjoyed the small group and opportunity to share—I also enjoyed the hands on activity—getting to be creative and learning from the experience of others.

I am so grateful to these women who attended, and opened themselves up to us.

Closing Thoughts

There are days where I forget that people actually read my blog. I put some very personal things on the internet at the hope that you are reading out there. I also hope that the hard lessons learned that I’ve gleaned will help you in your personal lives. Because it’s the internet, I don’t always know if the messages resonate with you.

One woman showed up to the workshop and said she had read my blog Promises I Make to Myself. She said the blog resonated with her.

It’s moments like this that I know I am on this journey for a reason. I know the world needs this healing work–and I’m very pulled toward it.

*Dr. Barbara Mark and I will be announcing our second workshop shortly. The workshop will focus around female empowerment. The workshop will take place August 11th, 2012 from 1:00-4:30PM in San Francisco at the Full Circle Institute at 2325 Third Street | Suite 337 | San Francisco, CA 94107. There are only ten spots. The cost is $95. Feel free to email me if you would like to reserve your spot.

Join Project Enough

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I’m inspiring a movement to get women talking. It’s called Project Enough. I’m looking for someone who is interested to get involved who can help map out the business plan–as movements demand resources.

It’s called Project Enough because we’re enough, and we’ve had enough.

The goal is to empower women—make them feel strong, safe, worthy and confident. I’m doing this because I’ve personally struggled with a lot of what my generation faces–body shame, depression, anxiety–and the problem is none of us are talking about it.

The movement will grow into a full media company that targets female middle schoolers, high schoolers, women in their early twenties and connect them with older women as well.

The movement will include a website that incentivizes women to share their stories. The site will also connect girls and women across the age spectrum in forums, a mentoring capacity and events locally, nationally and even internationally. The site should be free.

As I mentioned I’m looking for someone to support this idea with a business strategy. Are you, or someone you know, experienced in creating business plans, and would you like to help? I will be posting this on kickstarter once I have all the ducks in a row. Let me know if you’d like to help-or know someone who wants to be involved. Men are welcome to get involved as well.

The Feedback Sandwich: Delicious or Deadly?

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Those of you who know me know I love to cook.

If you’ve been over for dinner, you know I like to cook while the Food Network is on in the background. I find the Food Network–particularly the competitive reality shows–educational and inspiring.

I am amazed by the competitions featuring “everyday people” who create works of delicious edible art under extreme pressure situations. While I enjoy watching these chefs make magic in the kitchen, what I enjoy almost as much is the judging portion.

Every show is different whether it’s Chopped, 24 Hour Restaurant, Extreme Chef, Iron Chef or Food Network Star. What the shows share is the obvious vulnerability of the contestants during the feedback section.

Many of them bite their lip. Some of them cry. The novices make excuses, and are shut down by the judges (this is always awkward for the viewer).

Most fun is seeing the winner light up and discuss their motivation–whether it’s a parent who believed in them and has since passed on, or a spouse or child at home.

I enjoy these culinary competitions because I enjoy learning about how companies improve their own performance with continuous feedback.

Stomaching the Feedback Session

There are a few different ways to provide feedback. One is the Sandwich technique. This Sandwich technique is controversial. It usually goes something like this:

Something positive: [Supervisor or coach begins with a light note to warm up the employee. Cuts the tension in the room].
Something negative: [Supervisor dives into areas for improvement. Employee is better prepared to hear negative criticism as a result of mood enhancement from first comment].
Something positive: [Employee walks away from the meeting feeling good about themselves. Absorbs feedback "meat" without anger or resentment].

Here’s why people dismiss the Sandwich Technique (note comments in parentheses–why technique might be flawed).

Something positive: [Start out on a light note that muffles the really important employee feedback].
Something negative: [Employee isn't even listening, but rather basking in the sun of the first comment].
Something positive: [Employee is soaking in all the positivity. He didn't hear one ounce of criticism. His performance is perfect as far as he's concerned. Piece of cake. No problemo].

Others prefer the more simplistic and traditional technique.

Something Negative:[Employee is sweating, employee wants to jump in a hole, employee loses all self-worth].
Something Positive: [Light at the end of the tunnel, employee sees hope].

Providing feedback is not always easy, but it’s good for everyone. The boss, the employee & the business.

If both participants remember feedback is NOT PERSONAL, everyone will feel better.

The employee can take the actionable feedback and understand how to nip the weakness in the bud. Additionally, feedback should generally feel like a positive experience.

The supervisor is showing the employee is getting the feedback because they are an important contributor to the business.

While I do not have a position on which technique is necessarily better, I will say that all companies need to TAKE THE TIME to provide feedback to employees and to create some kind of development path for them.

Also employees need to be able to listen to feedback.

Successful people are generally humble (at least the talented chefs like Bobby Flay seem to give off that vibe–think Iron Chef) and listen to the comments.

Feedback is powerful. Seek it out. Provide it.

Do you think I have what it takes to be the next food network star? Be honest.

:-]

Passion: Not Just A Fruit Juice!

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This has been a contemplative week for me.

While I do not believe in Astrology, I do know that Geminis are known to like diverse activities. For me this is true in that if I am not passionate about something, it tends to fall by the wayside. The projects that I AM passionate about turn to gold (or at least shiny).

Many people who are successful have had a moment in their life where they hit some kind of low point, wake up, get angry (or just get moving) and never looked back.

These individuals tapped into their consciousness to listen to what their dream was. They stopped moving through life asleep, going from A to B and started to be fully present in life–fully engaged.

People generally call this epiphany finding your passion. Entrepreneurs experience this, scientists, writers, musicians, artists, hey maybe even social media consultants. They aren’t living out someone else’s idea of what their life should look like, but rather writing their own story and living it.

These people shine when they talk about their work, they smile and even emulate pride. Everyone deserves this happiness, but only a handful of people are fearless enough to go after it.

Recently I talked to a wise and kind friend who sent me this video. I encourage any one who might want or need a few words of inspiration to watch.

Is Plastic Surgery Like an MBA?

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“Fat women earn less than slender women. Tall men earn more per inch than shorter men. Former cheerleaders are so much more successful than other demographics that there are recruiting agencies that specialize in cheerleaders.”

This is “reality” according to BNET writer and entrepreneur Penelope Trunk.She published an article earlier this year  ”Why Your Career Needs Plastic Surgery, Literally.” And Trunk makes some very bold claims including ”plastic surgery is like an MBA.”

Trunk’s argument is flawed. She forgot that there’s something more powerful than beauty: determination!

And people who have had to overcome adversity work harder than than people who have always been beautiful and privileged. Determination brings success.Successful people generally exude strength. Strength comes from an unwavering sense of self. Internal strength does not come from short-term self esteem band-aids like lip injections, liposuction and implants.

It’s disappointing that the loudest messages come from people like Penelope Trunk who have access to microphones, magazine pages and television cameras. Trunk’s advice is ill-informed and unrealistic.

The truth is respect from others follows respect for yourself. At the end of the day, it’s important to take care of yourself. As Suze Orman says, a “clean woman is a wealthy woman” (and that goes for men too). But there has to be a balance. It’s more important that your colleagues and clients respect you than want to date you.

Billions of dollars are generated every year from people who feel inadequate. People who spend their life savings on cosmetic surgeries promising a quick ticket to a better life. I’ve known many women who do exactly what Trunk advises. But I can tell you that most of these women don’t know who they are.

Do what you have to do to be confident in yourself….to be your authentic self. Remember–developing your mind and spirit will bring success!