Category Archives: women in business

Replenishing the well

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I’ve been working on myself lately. I’m working on my attitude to come from a place of yes. I think this is something no one can ever stop working on. Gratitude is truly an every day thing. Every single day.

I’m starting to realize the less complicated our lives are, the less we need. The less we need, the easier it is to take risks–moving in the direction of our passions.

My dog Athena is my hero. This fifteen pound puppy doesn’t have an ego–no ego, no demands, no negativity. She’s utterly blissed out by the seemingly trivial opportunity to sniff another dog, sit in the sun, or get a bite of her mommy’s steak.

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There’s a difference between coming from a place of love, wealth and faith as opposed to fear, scarcity and anxiety.

But this is also an every day thing. I recently also saw an article that women wake up grumpier than men. It’s important for us ladies to replenish the well every day.

If you’re a soloist you might need to draw inspiration from other places–since you don’t necessarily have a coach or a boss who can give you a friendly, loving kick in the pants.

Here are five resources when you need a glass of inspiration:

1. Makers interview with Ursula Burns, CEO of XEROX, first African-American woman CEO of a Fortune 500 company. There’s something about Ursula–she’s so brilliant, and so cool.
2. Positively Positive. I love this magazine–they have inspiring quotes, articles and other great content. It’s a little crunchy, but some days we just need that.
3. The Best Brain Possible facebook page.  This is a great resource for inspirational photos, quotes, infographics and more. Debbie Hampton started the website Best Brain Possible. She has her own incredible journey I encourage to read about.
4.Marc and Angel hack life. This is a great post called 30 Things to Stop Doing Yourself. It went viral–for good reason. Everyone can relate to these everyday conundrums.
5. Ali Brown. Ali is one of the most influential thought leaders as it relates to women entrepreneurs. She has great nuggets of wisdom and will inspire you. She also started with nothing and it’s an inspiring tale.

 

7 Tools to Set Yourself Free From Your Inner Critic

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Many people, for whatever reason, have trouble turning off the critic. It runs its mouth all day never letting you get a moment of peace. From the moment you wake up in the morning until you close your eyes at night this critic sabotages your day.

Sometimes the root of this is childhood trauma, sometimes it’s chemical and other times it’s just how we’re used to living in the world–with someone hovering over us with a close eye. Eventually that someone becomes you. While you can’t always just decide to make the critic go back in its whole, there are some things you can do to calm down and relax your mind. I have a few of my own tools that I personally use, and I’d like to share them with you. I hope some of these tools bring you calm so you can live a happy life, and truly live life to the fullest.

1. Move. No matter what, I do something every day. If everyone in the world did Zumba, Latin or African dance every day–there would be no war in the world. I love these classes (offered by the YMCA) because in my interpretation these dance moves are a celebration of life–the movements accentuates the moves of a woman. You’re encouraged to shake and move your hips. You’re encouraged to embrace your femininity with “ladies styling” as they call it in latin dance class. With all the pressure to be thin, small and frail these classes encourage you to take up space and celebrate the womanly parts of yourself. While the weight room or the cardio machines are nice at times, it’s nice to get away from what can feel like an aggressive or testosterone driven environment. Go to those eccentric sounding dance classes at your gym–you won’t be sorry!

2. Learn to laugh. There’s nothing the critic likes less than when you learn to laugh in its face. Learn to laugh at what you’re judging about yourself. Make it light hearted. Say “so what.” Learn how to let it go. I’m X, honor it, embrace it, let it go. Learn to say so what, or “fuck it.”

3. When you look in the mirror, look at what you like most about yourself first.
With the insane pressure to look perfect, it’s easy to feel ashamed when you look in the mirror. See discussions on Project Enough here. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing something you don’t like, learn to choose one thing you DO like about yourself and look at that first. Examples include, “I have nice eyes” or “I have a nice nose” or “I am so strong looking”…you get the idea.

4. Learn to breathe. Getting oxygen into your body is very critical when you’re feeling down. If possible take five deep breaths into your belly. If possible do some meditation with guided visual imagery–imagine a beautiful beach or imagine laying underneath a tree in a forest. If it’s bad, let yourself cry. Call a friend. If you’re crying (yes adults cry too)–breathe too! Get all those toxins out of your system. Breathing gives you strength and takes away strength from the critic.

5. Learn to walk away from your laptop. If you’re feeling vulnerable you’re not in a good state to be faking your way through work. Sometimes one bad day–where the critic has a hold over you–can sabotage months of good work. If you’re feeling vulnerable you’re not going to respond to people in the way you would when your head is clear. Sometimes it’s important to just take a break from working. If you don’t have this option and you work in an office go take a walk around the office or even go into the bathroom and take a few breaths. This can be the difference between a flare up in the office or taking a few moments for yourself. You don’t want your colleagues to see you getting overly emotional at work–take space if you can and when you come back you’ll fully rested and clear.

6. Learn to ask for help. I always say this but learning to ask for help is one of the most important factors determining your success. You can’t always do everything on your own. Don’t let the critic win by being too proud. Calling a friend, a loved one or even a coach or therapist can be the most critical factor in your resilience. Don’t try to be the brave cowboy who does everything alone. That’s a myth. Successful people get a lot of help and they know where to get it. Ask for help. People will love you more for opening up to them. They’ll be happy to help you.

7. Know this too shall pass. Being sensitive is a business advantage. It makes you intuitive and empathetic and all the characteristics that can make you a charismatic leader. At the same time you need to learn to manage yourself. This will wash over you like a wave. You will feel better tomorrow. Figure out how to get yourself what you need to help quiet the critic. That way when it passes you’re ready to get back on the horse.

 

Artemis Is Growing

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I am very pleased to announce that Artemis is growing and offering a full suite of marketing services. We are a now a bi-coastal marketing services firm with key areas of specialization.

Kamaria Muir and I built the successful online magazine and social networking site Customer Management IQ together back in New York City. Kamaria will be joining Artemis this month. Now in addition to influncer engagement, public relations and social strategy we offer paid search, SEO, web development services and brand planning.

It’s my pleasure and honor to tell you about Kamaria Muir who resides in New York. Kamaria is an expert in Digital Marketing. She has strong experience in search engine optimization, pay per click advertising web design, brand planning and marketing campaign development. Over the past decade she has worked with world- class brands including Virgin Entertainment Group, Cheil Communications and Macmillan Publishers. She’s managed successful SEO campaigns across multiple websites for the International Productivity and Quality Center (IQPC) as well as PPC campaigns across Google, Bing, Facebook and LinkedIn for various clients including Urban Financial Group. She is a strong digital project manager – having implemented full scale website development initiatives at Macmillan publishers and strategic brand planning for Love Rocks NY and Blanket Anchor. She is both Google Adwords and Microsoft Ad Center Certified and has a Masters Degree in Strategic Communications from Columbia University.

Interested in learning more? Contact me at Blake @ Artemis Strategies.com.

How To Figure Out What You’re Good At: Three Tips To Find Your Niche

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Last week I had a dinner date with a friend. She was trying to figure out how she was going to make money with her career. Many of you are working for companies in a job you’re unhappy with. Or perhaps you’re in academia and you’re seeing the difficulties in the education system and you want something more (but not quite corporate America). Sometimes our minds are so clouded with noise, we can’t clearly see what we’re even good at. We don’t know how to match our passions, values, and hobbies with a dream career track. Don’t settle in your career. Do the digging and figure out what truly makes you tick, and how you’re going to turn that into a marketable skill. Find your niche with my three tips to help shift you in the right direction on your self discovery process.
For those of you who are searching for answers, I ask that you take a minute to watch this two minute video.

How Being Direct Helps Women In Business

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While I realize it might be interpreted as “tacky” to write about something other than Hurricane Sandy, the notion of “nice” has been top of mind for me lately. I think this is really important to address because I see the way this urge to be liked hurts women in their careers–and it’s an emergency situation.

I see women put others ahead of themselves–all the time. I see women who are happy to let other people waste their their time. They undercharge. They let guys (they don’t even like) take advantage of them. They do things for free. And throughout all of this they want to look pretty (to improve their likeability).

I want to help women move forward in their lives. To move forward you have to get clear on your path. You have to decide to put your own needs at the forefront of your life.

Long after I left California I learned I didn’t have to be overly nice to people. You couldn’t blame me for being overly nice. I was born in California where sunshine is a key aspect to an attractive female personality. The point I changed was the moment I started to really believe in myself.

I learned to be direct with people. I learned that being direct and clear is favorable to being vague and wordy. It’s better for everyone.

Life’s toughness also toughened me up. As an adult I had more to worry about than if people liked me or not. I worried about paying my rent and moving up in my career. With more responsibility at work I didn’t have the time to spend framing conversations (saying please, sorry, um, like and I’m SO sorry). I realized being fake nice to people I didn’t want to talk to was not equivalent of being a good person. 

So how is a woman to act? How can she be polite but not so overly polite as to attract the wrong attention? When being liked is so important in the corporate world, how can she maintain her self respect while being chosen for key opportunities?

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Once I worked for a French entrepreneur. He told me women in America smile all the time. He told me in Paris if a girl smiles at you that means she wants to sleep with you. In America if you are a woman you have been told multiple times in your life to smile.

Have you had an experience where being overly nice got you into trouble?

You don’t need to be a character from the Devil Wears Prada to succeed in business and in life. All I’m asking is that as a society let’s decide to cut the nonsense. Let’s use our common sense when we interact with people. Let’s stop being fake.

I wonder why don’t men go to the extent to please as women do. What do you think?

Join Project Enough.

Designing Your Nontraditional Worklife Without Fear of Judgement

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Breaking a habit is hard. Unlearning a lifetime of conditioning is harder.

Some of us tried the corporate thing and after too many closed doors and airtight containers decided to venture out on the unpaved path of self-employment. Many of us are working in creative fields like writing, art and I will add consulting in here. However many of us are not enjoying that dream of self-directed employment.

It took me a while to rid myself of non 9 to 5 er guilt. For a long time there was something to someone else always telling me where to be, what to do and that I was ok. Even the punishment (as a recent college grad) of those mistakes everyone makes in the first few years in the workplace made you feel alive.

But I knew it wasn’t for me, and I learned about self-employment and slowly fell in love.

I think many people find joy in predictability–but not me. I need some predictability and a constant stream of variation to keep me fresh and alive.

The fondness for predictability reminded me of the documentary I recently saw Jiro Dreams of Sushi. In the film an 86 year old Japanese chef with a three star michelin restaurant said, “happiness is doing the same thing every day.” He talked about how for sushi chefs predictability is bliss. This is a man who supported himself since he was seven years old (when he was pushed out on his own).

While I have great admiration for Jiro and people like him, it can be said that people who are stuck in what they feel is a dead end job will never get to higher ground if they don’t decide they want to (and want more than what is given to them).

When I started writing and podcasting as part of my corporate job, I relished the few days I worked from home (that was three times in five years). I didn’t understand why I had to dress up and make the work commute when I could create the content in the comfort of my own home. In fact I always found it more difficult to focus in an office environment where there were distractions all day every day.

Here are my thoughts on fear of being judged for a nontraditional worklife:

The truth is the only one “watching” us is us. If it’s the critical parent or “those people” we went to school with or past coworkers, no one really cares that much about what we’re doing except us. If we are happy and thriving (and able to pay our bills) then other people are happy for us. In fact, people only know and believe what you tell them. You’ll notice the criticism you get from others are the statements you’ve already made out loud (to them). If you tell people what you do with conviction, professionalism and self-respect, they will respect you. You are driving.

The point of this post is to remind you that the judgemental voice inside of you is not necessarily you. However, you are giving that voice prime real estate by listening to him/her. Acknowledge the voice, give it a seat at the table, and move on. Anyone who is needy doesn’t have their needs met. Meet your own needs. Give yourself permission to design and live your life the way you want to.

Weathering the Storm With Play

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I am reading your posts today about watching bad television, board games, drinking liquor, running the stairs, eating canned pumpkin, sharing fake photos–and it looks like some of you are actually having fun.

While being desperate for a flashlight, or a broken crane on 57th street is no laughing matter, being “stuck” forces you to stop working. Sandy is a reminder that you can’t control the weather, you can only control how you personally manage through the storm.

But today I am not going to bore you with quotes and metaphors. I am only here to remind you to schedule time into your weeks as if you were hiding from a storm.


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Many of us are working in creative fields. How we have come to know our “knowledge work” is not that of an assembly line. Getting paid by the hour doesn’t make sense for most of us. We come with histories, intricate spider webs of networks, passion, an ability to make creative connections around problem solving. As knowledge workers when we work our minds too much without play and relaxation, we go into overdrive. It’s not pretty.

Research shows Americans are the hardest working, most unhappy, overweight group. While I actually like living in America–and I don’t want to bash being American–I do think we need to start incorporating more play into our lives–not just when there’s really bad weather.

[I mean no disrespect to those struggling through the storm--and I sincerely hope it passes without too much damage to my former home New York City and the surrounding areas].

Today reminded me of the New York City snow storms I experienced when I lived there. The weather was the only thing that stopped New Yorkers from rushing through the city. I remember if I would walk and stop on the sidewalk for any reason, someone behind me would run into me. It’s a constant flow of traffic. And for a while I loved the excitement. I was also always doing something, and would grab my running shoes and schlep to the gym in my snow boots. I hardly missed a day.

To this day I struggle with sitting still. I am always working, exercising, cooking, reading, taking care of my dog, cleaning up the house….you get the idea. I am always on the go. It takes a lot to tire me out. I wake up early and as soon as my feet hit the ground I’m running.

So this message if for me and for all of you work horses reading this.

*****

Some of you might read this tomorrow or the next day (when you have power back on in your house) whilst rolling your eyes at me and say “Blake, easy for you to say–you’re safe in SF where the only commotion is a World Series riot. Humor me by thinking about your days and how you can incorporate more time for reflection, relaxation and most importantly play.

*exercise that is dancey in nature can be labelled as “play”

What You Focus On Grows

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In life when we want something different than what we have we must undergo a shift in our thinking and behavior to get there. It’s the chicken and the egg.

What comes first? Most of us have to start from the bottom. To get from the bottom to the top, we have to drench ourselves in stories about the top. We have to see ourselves at the top. We have to visualize what it feels like to be at the top.

The reason for this is the law of attraction. In other words, what we focus on grows.

If a person is broke, it is most likely they are telling themselves a constant narrative about being broke. They feel broke. They think about being broke. Feelings become thoughts which become things. This person will tell everyone what they can’t afford. They will attract other people and events in their lives that have an aura of “scarcity.”

If all a person talks about is being stressed, sick, broke, tired, and taken advantage of–that’s exactly what will happen. A person will attract things that make them stressed, sick, broke, tired and taken advantage of.

Did you know we are essentially a blend of the five people we spend the most time with? Think about that for a minute.

If we are feeling fat it’s most likely that we will continue to exhibit behaviors that reinforce that feeling. We will eat unhealthy food, won’t push ourselves when exercising, and we will continue to tell a story of fat.

Basically to achieve what we really want–underneath layers of ego and denial–we have to tell ourselves we’re already there.

If we are not wealthy, we must tell ourselves we’re wealthy to create an aura of plenty. If we are not at our goal weight, we must do things that make us feel sleek and beautiful even if we don’t necessarily feel that way all the time.

We must act “as if.”

After months of telling a new story the texture of life will begin to change.

A journey of change is never a straight shot. We make progress and fumble taking a few steps back. Then we get back up and continue in the direction of the dream.

If you want to change your life, you need to change that story. Start by being 5% more aware of what you say out loud. Look at the events and people in your life, and your reaction to those events and people. What is your state? Our friend Tony Robbins says if you want to change your life you must change your state.

He’s right.

 

I Know This Much Is True

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I’m 28 years old. That means that I’m smarter about myself than when I was 25, and definitely 21, and even more definitely than when I was 16. I still need to work on my grammar, especially via text.

I will never be one of those woman who walks around in perfect outfits, and perfect hair and a spotless house. Every day I give myself permission to live the life I choose. And that life is one of comfort over being liked. I rarely wear shoes I can’t chase someone in (or flee from someone for that matter). I aspire to be like Tina Fey one day who talks about turning 40 in this way:

What Turning Forty Means to Me from Fey’s book Bossypants.
“I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that. But now I do.”

In the spirit of my heroes (Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling and Lena Dunham) I will share my irreverent internal “conversation” with you about what’s happening in my life.

Friendships take a front seat. I don’t have a lot of friends but I value honesty and authenticity in people, women who don’t take themselves seriously and don’t have big egos. As I’ve realized that friendships have taken a major backseat in my life I’m making that a priority. It feels great to connect with women friends again. Too much time on the computer and on social networks have made me realize that I don’t have enough real healthy friendships. Sorry facebook friends, but mostly you just disappoint me. It’s not your fault. It’s the lie that we all tell ourselves about social media. This is not a replacement for real life. Mind you this is what I do for a living, so please don’t be offended.

Fake it til you make it. At the end of August I decided I was letting myself go. So I decided to start eating less sugar and exercising. However it wasn’t all Jillian Michaels over here. There were days where I would step into the time warp that is the YMCA and I wanted to run home and eat marshmallows on the couch and watch The Voice. Then I accidentally took a latin dance class with my boyfriend’s mom and I realized that exercising could be fun again. Dancing felt way more fun than swaying back and forth on a machine that looks like it should generate solar power, but does not (elliptical machine). Then I realized that aerobics was kind of dancey and didn’t “look” that hard. Well people, it is hard. I tried one class with the raw food eating instructor at my gym and… I had to leave.

I looked like a sloppy leotard with two left feet. I was shocked by how well all these people knew these very complicated dance moves. They all looked like back up dancers, and I looked like a girl who only knew how to back up.

Eventually I went back for the beginner class, and took the intermediate classes. I learned to relax about being a perfect back up dancer at the YMCA aerobics classes. If I didn’t get a move just right I told myself “fake it til you make it.” The point of aerobics is to work up a sweat–so as long as you keep moving you don’t need to have the footwork of Jane Fonda. Just show up to class, and you’ll eventually get the hang of it.

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Trust the process. Things that are “worth it” take time. As an entrepreneur there are a few things I’ve realized about opportunities. I’ve learned that when you put a lot of energy into something (like marketing), you must be patient for the universe to manifest the right opportunities for you. Sometimes the universe takes its “sweet ass time.” And the universe is possibly testing you, to see if you are cut out for this exciting, exhilarating and terrifying thing we call entrepreneurship. You put it out there and you have to figure out what to do with yourself while you’re manifesting what you want. You have to have faith in yourself, and in the fact that the right doors open at the right time. My inclination is to never sit still. If you’re like me you have to teach yourself how to relax and then let the universe do its thing. If you can’t relax do a couple of aerobics classes. You’ll forget about your career pain with the distraction of your two left feet pain.

 


Successful Business Women Push Back

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It’s not through an easy breezy time do you learn the hard lessons. It’s through those challenging moments where it takes everything you’ve got….

And for many of us (stubborn folks like myself) the best way to learn is through trial and error. And I’ve had a lot of…you know…errors. There are so many things I would say if I could talk to the younger version of me. I hope that other women don’t have to wait around until they figure out the answers the hard way.

What I want to say to the younger version of myself about pushing back

There are so many roadblocks in the corporate world and in life. The most successful people are constantly figuring out ways to overcome those challenges, despite how uncomfortable that can be.

There will be no shortage of people who tell you 1. you can’t do that 2. here are all the hard rules why we won’t let you do that.

As a young woman at a job in a big city, when I did make leaps in my career–many times it was by throwing out the standard rules within the corporation. The biggest jumps in my career were through pushing back.

I asked for opportunities I wasn’t perfectly qualified for, I negotiated my salary when I found out about people with the same role making more than me, and I jumped departments to the chagrin of my bosses.

I didn’t have a fallback plan. I was alone in NYC. No trust fund, no husband, no desire to go live with my parents.

I’m currently reading the book Pushback by Selena Rezvani which talks about all the ways women shortchange themselves at work. It also provides some powerful tools for women on how to be better negotiators.

I’ve been listening to a lot of my female friends lately who complain about their situations at work.

They are very unhappy and can’t change the situation because of X, Y and Z. They tell me if they push back they could be fired. Their boss would be mad if they mentioned being disgruntled about salary…and so on and so forth.

I want to inspire women to get angry about the fact that is it possible these women wouldn’t be treated this way if they were male. I want to stress the point here that I don’t hate men, and I don’t believe men are without their share of challenges at work. However I see the stat that women make 77.8 cents to the dollar earned by men in the U.S. Then I hear my friends tell me how unhappy they are, and all the reasons they can’t make the change they want to see in their lives. So many rules, I don’t want to offend so and so, I don’t want to get fired….

Women have recently told me they don’t want to offend their bosses by questioning their pay although they know men with a similar role who get paid tens of thousands more than them. I don’t hear about a lot of men being told they need to be more likeable at work.

[Again I will emphasize that I don't hate men, and I don't think they don't have their own challenges. Just ask my boyfriend Jacob.]

The only thing that stops women from getting what they want are themselves.

We need to stop following these “hard rules.” These rules are not so hard once you start to scratch the surface. You reading this blog–you are talented, you are valuable, and you are worthy. So do your homework, keep track of your accomplishments and start telling yourself and the people around you a different story. One of worth.

Women don’t push back enough. Research in the book Pushback proves that a woman’s ability to push back has an astonishingly direct correlation to her success.

That means women who ask for what they want get what they want.

From experience I can tell you you’ll have to be prepared to leave, but most times if you ask for what you want you won’t have to leave. You’ll find that by figuring out your own negotiation style people will respect you more. Here’s what the book had to say:

“What caught my attention most in analyzing my data was the answer to a numerical question. I asked women leaders, “Assuming a woman’s career success equals 100 percent what percentage is accounted for by her effectiveness in negotiating and pushing back?….The executives I met with felt, on average, that a full 60 percent of a woman’s career success hinges on her pushback skills.”

I am telling you, THIS IS YOUR LIFE. We don’t know what happens after this life. As far as science tells us this is YOUR ONE KNOWN SHOT to design your life into the most amazing experience possible. Seize the day.

That means you (ladies) need to take the reins of your life. You are directing the show. This is YOUR time to take control of YOUR LIFE and make the changes you want to see.

Turn off that Disney reel in your head. A man will not come in on a horse and buggy and take you off to cindarella-land.

The higher-ups at work don’t go to sleep at night thinking of how they can improve your quality of life. This is up to YOU!

Go get it girl. Make it happen!

And if you want to join my community join other women who are navigating the same journey at Project Enough!