Category Archives: Leadership

How Self Confidence Helps Small Business Owners

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There’s something about Mad Men’s Don Draper—while on the inside he might be an emotionally torn man with a dark past, you never see him sweat. His personal challenges never get in the way of his advertising meetings or a-list affairs. He exudes charm, charisma and competence.

His former secretary and now only female copy editor Peggy Olsen said it best:

“I want what you have, you seem to have everything.” What Don does have is confidence–a lot of it.

Confidence can be the chicken and the egg–when you need it most you feel the least confident, and when you need it least you feel the most confident. You can’t hide behind your computer–you must get out into the world and represent yourself and your business. In my tips below I give you some suggestions on how you can work on building your own confidence and watch your business grow as a result.

Here are my ten questions and answers for you. Tell me your own confidence building story in the comments section below.

1. Why is self-confidence important for a small business owner?

If you are not confident in yourself, would you expect others to have confidence in your abilities? As a small business owner you are the face of your company. You need to exude confidence so people get the feeling you are a capable person to do business with.

2. What are the attributes of a confident person?

A confident small business person makes eye contact. They do what they say they’re going to do. They give a strong handshake. They don’t say the filler works in their sentences “like,” “um,” “ah,” or “you know.” They take good care of themselves physically. They don’t apologize too much without reason. They have boundaries in their lives, and they don’t feel bad about notifying someone when they’ve crossed that boundary. They can take negative feedback without having it crumple them. They smile frequently and easily. They exude a glow when they talk about their company and services.

3. What are activities that can help improve confidence in small business owners?

Doing your homework can greatly improve your confidence. When you’re prepared for meetings, you will exude power because you know what you’re talking about. Challenging yourself with achievable tasks will improve your confidence in yourself, but piling on too many challenges too fast can be a confidence killer. Keep a network of supportive people around you–especially other small business owners. Having community and relationships will improve confidence. Having a coach to provide feedback is a confidence booster. Everyone needs someone unbiased to bounce ideas off of, to help them through hard times, and give encouragement when it’s needed. Continuing education and training can also help build confidence as you become more savvy in different areas of your business.

4. Is it possible to improve confidence by changing your thoughts?

“Thinking positive” is a powerful way to change your thinking. Tony Robbins says “change your state, change your life.” If we can learn to control our mind, we can completely change the landscape of ourselves and our lives.

5. Is there anything a small business owner can do to improve their impact on others?

By standing tall you will greatly improve your posture and how others see you. Body language is a hugely important factor with regard to how others perceive you. By improving your posture you will change this.

6. Do looks really matter that much for a small business owner?

If you dress nicely, you’ll feel good about yourself. You’ll feel successful and presentable and ready to tackle the world. By showing up groomed, you will feel more confident. Additionally you are an extension of your products and services. If you are not personally well put together, it’s possible your prospects will assume you don’t take care with your offering either.

7. Does gratitude help confidence?

This one is related to humility. By being grateful for what you have in life and what others have given to you you will change your entire outlook. It can improve your self-image and your overall mood. The universe rewards those who are thankful. “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
― Melody Beattie

8. Does exercise really improve confidence?

Exercise is very important for any small business owner. While sometimes it feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day, exercise can improve mood. It also helps with focus and makes us more calm. Many of us get our best ideas when we are exercising. Not only are the mental and spiritual side effects important, but it will help you feel better physically, and you’ll look better too!

9. How do small business owners avoid feeling overwhelmed, insecure and anxious with all the tasks that are required to run the business?

Don’t forget to start small. You don’t want to stress yourself out by biting off more than you can chew. Learn to break off small chunks and work in short bursts. Small tasks that you succeed in will help your overall sense of happiness and confidence.

10. Does a cleaner business person feel more confident?

Keeping organized and clean will greatly impact the amount of clutter in your mind. When your environment is cleaner you’ll find you can think clearly. Clear your desk. If your desk gets messy the world can quickly turn to chaos. Having an organized desk will help maintain a calm environment so you can think clearly (and stay organized).

11. Will relaxation help my confidence? Should I be working instead of relaxing?

We all need scheduled white space in our calendars. That means a little “me-time” every day. This “me-time” is your opportunity to recalibrate so you can continue to be an amazing creator. Relaxing can include a 5 minute meditation, a massage, a bath or even a walk with some nice music.

12. Should I celebrate my own achievements?

Absolutely. Celebrating your small wins is a hugely important aspect of having your own business. If you don’t make time to enjoy your success, you might end up feeling burned out. Feel free to make a list of all that you’ve accomplished even on a daily basis. Since you’re your own boss, you’re your own coach. Make sure to pick yourself up frequently with pats on the back.

Do you feel like Don Draper yet? Let me know your own journey to a more confident you in the comments section below. There are no judgements on this blog.

How Being Direct Helps Women In Business

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While I realize it might be interpreted as “tacky” to write about something other than Hurricane Sandy, the notion of “nice” has been top of mind for me lately. I think this is really important to address because I see the way this urge to be liked hurts women in their careers–and it’s an emergency situation.

I see women put others ahead of themselves–all the time. I see women who are happy to let other people waste their their time. They undercharge. They let guys (they don’t even like) take advantage of them. They do things for free. And throughout all of this they want to look pretty (to improve their likeability).

I want to help women move forward in their lives. To move forward you have to get clear on your path. You have to decide to put your own needs at the forefront of your life.

Long after I left California I learned I didn’t have to be overly nice to people. You couldn’t blame me for being overly nice. I was born in California where sunshine is a key aspect to an attractive female personality. The point I changed was the moment I started to really believe in myself.

I learned to be direct with people. I learned that being direct and clear is favorable to being vague and wordy. It’s better for everyone.

Life’s toughness also toughened me up. As an adult I had more to worry about than if people liked me or not. I worried about paying my rent and moving up in my career. With more responsibility at work I didn’t have the time to spend framing conversations (saying please, sorry, um, like and I’m SO sorry). I realized being fake nice to people I didn’t want to talk to was not equivalent of being a good person. 

So how is a woman to act? How can she be polite but not so overly polite as to attract the wrong attention? When being liked is so important in the corporate world, how can she maintain her self respect while being chosen for key opportunities?

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Once I worked for a French entrepreneur. He told me women in America smile all the time. He told me in Paris if a girl smiles at you that means she wants to sleep with you. In America if you are a woman you have been told multiple times in your life to smile.

Have you had an experience where being overly nice got you into trouble?

You don’t need to be a character from the Devil Wears Prada to succeed in business and in life. All I’m asking is that as a society let’s decide to cut the nonsense. Let’s use our common sense when we interact with people. Let’s stop being fake.

I wonder why don’t men go to the extent to please as women do. What do you think?

Join Project Enough.

Weathering the Storm With Play

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I am reading your posts today about watching bad television, board games, drinking liquor, running the stairs, eating canned pumpkin, sharing fake photos–and it looks like some of you are actually having fun.

While being desperate for a flashlight, or a broken crane on 57th street is no laughing matter, being “stuck” forces you to stop working. Sandy is a reminder that you can’t control the weather, you can only control how you personally manage through the storm.

But today I am not going to bore you with quotes and metaphors. I am only here to remind you to schedule time into your weeks as if you were hiding from a storm.


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Many of us are working in creative fields. How we have come to know our “knowledge work” is not that of an assembly line. Getting paid by the hour doesn’t make sense for most of us. We come with histories, intricate spider webs of networks, passion, an ability to make creative connections around problem solving. As knowledge workers when we work our minds too much without play and relaxation, we go into overdrive. It’s not pretty.

Research shows Americans are the hardest working, most unhappy, overweight group. While I actually like living in America–and I don’t want to bash being American–I do think we need to start incorporating more play into our lives–not just when there’s really bad weather.

[I mean no disrespect to those struggling through the storm--and I sincerely hope it passes without too much damage to my former home New York City and the surrounding areas].

Today reminded me of the New York City snow storms I experienced when I lived there. The weather was the only thing that stopped New Yorkers from rushing through the city. I remember if I would walk and stop on the sidewalk for any reason, someone behind me would run into me. It’s a constant flow of traffic. And for a while I loved the excitement. I was also always doing something, and would grab my running shoes and schlep to the gym in my snow boots. I hardly missed a day.

To this day I struggle with sitting still. I am always working, exercising, cooking, reading, taking care of my dog, cleaning up the house….you get the idea. I am always on the go. It takes a lot to tire me out. I wake up early and as soon as my feet hit the ground I’m running.

So this message if for me and for all of you work horses reading this.

*****

Some of you might read this tomorrow or the next day (when you have power back on in your house) whilst rolling your eyes at me and say “Blake, easy for you to say–you’re safe in SF where the only commotion is a World Series riot. Humor me by thinking about your days and how you can incorporate more time for reflection, relaxation and most importantly play.

*exercise that is dancey in nature can be labelled as “play”

I Know This Much Is True

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I’m 28 years old. That means that I’m smarter about myself than when I was 25, and definitely 21, and even more definitely than when I was 16. I still need to work on my grammar, especially via text.

I will never be one of those woman who walks around in perfect outfits, and perfect hair and a spotless house. Every day I give myself permission to live the life I choose. And that life is one of comfort over being liked. I rarely wear shoes I can’t chase someone in (or flee from someone for that matter). I aspire to be like Tina Fey one day who talks about turning 40 in this way:

What Turning Forty Means to Me from Fey’s book Bossypants.
“I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that. But now I do.”

In the spirit of my heroes (Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling and Lena Dunham) I will share my irreverent internal “conversation” with you about what’s happening in my life.

Friendships take a front seat. I don’t have a lot of friends but I value honesty and authenticity in people, women who don’t take themselves seriously and don’t have big egos. As I’ve realized that friendships have taken a major backseat in my life I’m making that a priority. It feels great to connect with women friends again. Too much time on the computer and on social networks have made me realize that I don’t have enough real healthy friendships. Sorry facebook friends, but mostly you just disappoint me. It’s not your fault. It’s the lie that we all tell ourselves about social media. This is not a replacement for real life. Mind you this is what I do for a living, so please don’t be offended.

Fake it til you make it. At the end of August I decided I was letting myself go. So I decided to start eating less sugar and exercising. However it wasn’t all Jillian Michaels over here. There were days where I would step into the time warp that is the YMCA and I wanted to run home and eat marshmallows on the couch and watch The Voice. Then I accidentally took a latin dance class with my boyfriend’s mom and I realized that exercising could be fun again. Dancing felt way more fun than swaying back and forth on a machine that looks like it should generate solar power, but does not (elliptical machine). Then I realized that aerobics was kind of dancey and didn’t “look” that hard. Well people, it is hard. I tried one class with the raw food eating instructor at my gym and… I had to leave.

I looked like a sloppy leotard with two left feet. I was shocked by how well all these people knew these very complicated dance moves. They all looked like back up dancers, and I looked like a girl who only knew how to back up.

Eventually I went back for the beginner class, and took the intermediate classes. I learned to relax about being a perfect back up dancer at the YMCA aerobics classes. If I didn’t get a move just right I told myself “fake it til you make it.” The point of aerobics is to work up a sweat–so as long as you keep moving you don’t need to have the footwork of Jane Fonda. Just show up to class, and you’ll eventually get the hang of it.

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Trust the process. Things that are “worth it” take time. As an entrepreneur there are a few things I’ve realized about opportunities. I’ve learned that when you put a lot of energy into something (like marketing), you must be patient for the universe to manifest the right opportunities for you. Sometimes the universe takes its “sweet ass time.” And the universe is possibly testing you, to see if you are cut out for this exciting, exhilarating and terrifying thing we call entrepreneurship. You put it out there and you have to figure out what to do with yourself while you’re manifesting what you want. You have to have faith in yourself, and in the fact that the right doors open at the right time. My inclination is to never sit still. If you’re like me you have to teach yourself how to relax and then let the universe do its thing. If you can’t relax do a couple of aerobics classes. You’ll forget about your career pain with the distraction of your two left feet pain.

 


Twitter’s Biz Stone Reminds Me To Keep Going With Project Enough

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Yesterday I saw Twitter co-founder Biz Stone speak at PRSA.

When we got into the media briefing room Biz immediately seemed like he wanted to leave. He said the minute he walked in the door his wife was going to berate him for being late and hand him a screaming ten month old. You got the feeling he cared a lot more about his own family life than he did being at a PR media briefing. I respected him for that. I also respected him for the world that he showed us yesterday–from being a college dropout obsessed with the democratization of information to creating a technology that would change the course of history.

Biz Stone answering questions, being down to earth.

He said two things that resonated with me on a personal level:

1. Opportunity can be manufactured and you manufacture this for yourself.
2. To succeed spectacularly you must be willing to fail spectacularly.

For me that means you’re willing to walk away completely empty handed from whatever you’re doing. And he reminded us that to do that–you need to care about what you’re doing on an emotional level.

Biz gave metrics that he felt companies should measure themselves by. One of them was joy. Can you imagine a company that looks at joy as an indicator of success?

I believe joy is directly related to self esteem. I believe self esteem is related to contribution. I also believe companies can build the self esteem of its employees by recognizing employees and giving them opportunities to challenge themselves and contribute. Today most companies don’t do this. Research shows a happy, proud employee will contribute much more than an employee that feels like a number.

Self esteem is something I write about a lot. I also built a “movement” around helping to build the self esteem of women with Project Enough.

Biz Stone’s talk about a service oriented approach to business reminded me of my own journey. I’d like to think that sharing personal stories about my own challenges with anxiety, depression, body image and self esteem help other women who are going through something similar.

My storytelling is my giving back. Most people would rather die than write about being humiliated as I did last week on the website Eat the Damn Cake. I get joy out of putting all my experiences and thoughts on my writing table and putting the pieces back together, but I also want to help other girls and women–to let them know they’re not alone–to provide them tools and resources and knowledge.

The talk made me think about Project Enough and why I keep coming back to it. I feel that this was a “movement” that started with a shift within me. I didn’t know if this was the right thing to do or not–and realized quickly this project was in no way about making money. This is a project to spread awareness and most of all joy–> to women, who suffer with body shame and low self esteem. And yes I just used the word “suffer,” because you do.

Biz said there was compound interest in altruism and I believe he’s right because when one person comes back to me and says thank you for writing that (or saying that), I can relate and I’m going through X, I feel that emotional compound interest. I also hope that other people experience that as well.

Biz’s talk was inspiration for me to continue with Project Enough and see what it can become.

Successful Business Women Push Back

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It’s not through an easy breezy time do you learn the hard lessons. It’s through those challenging moments where it takes everything you’ve got….

And for many of us (stubborn folks like myself) the best way to learn is through trial and error. And I’ve had a lot of…you know…errors. There are so many things I would say if I could talk to the younger version of me. I hope that other women don’t have to wait around until they figure out the answers the hard way.

What I want to say to the younger version of myself about pushing back

There are so many roadblocks in the corporate world and in life. The most successful people are constantly figuring out ways to overcome those challenges, despite how uncomfortable that can be.

There will be no shortage of people who tell you 1. you can’t do that 2. here are all the hard rules why we won’t let you do that.

As a young woman at a job in a big city, when I did make leaps in my career–many times it was by throwing out the standard rules within the corporation. The biggest jumps in my career were through pushing back.

I asked for opportunities I wasn’t perfectly qualified for, I negotiated my salary when I found out about people with the same role making more than me, and I jumped departments to the chagrin of my bosses.

I didn’t have a fallback plan. I was alone in NYC. No trust fund, no husband, no desire to go live with my parents.

I’m currently reading the book Pushback by Selena Rezvani which talks about all the ways women shortchange themselves at work. It also provides some powerful tools for women on how to be better negotiators.

I’ve been listening to a lot of my female friends lately who complain about their situations at work.

They are very unhappy and can’t change the situation because of X, Y and Z. They tell me if they push back they could be fired. Their boss would be mad if they mentioned being disgruntled about salary…and so on and so forth.

I want to inspire women to get angry about the fact that is it possible these women wouldn’t be treated this way if they were male. I want to stress the point here that I don’t hate men, and I don’t believe men are without their share of challenges at work. However I see the stat that women make 77.8 cents to the dollar earned by men in the U.S. Then I hear my friends tell me how unhappy they are, and all the reasons they can’t make the change they want to see in their lives. So many rules, I don’t want to offend so and so, I don’t want to get fired….

Women have recently told me they don’t want to offend their bosses by questioning their pay although they know men with a similar role who get paid tens of thousands more than them. I don’t hear about a lot of men being told they need to be more likeable at work.

[Again I will emphasize that I don't hate men, and I don't think they don't have their own challenges. Just ask my boyfriend Jacob.]

The only thing that stops women from getting what they want are themselves.

We need to stop following these “hard rules.” These rules are not so hard once you start to scratch the surface. You reading this blog–you are talented, you are valuable, and you are worthy. So do your homework, keep track of your accomplishments and start telling yourself and the people around you a different story. One of worth.

Women don’t push back enough. Research in the book Pushback proves that a woman’s ability to push back has an astonishingly direct correlation to her success.

That means women who ask for what they want get what they want.

From experience I can tell you you’ll have to be prepared to leave, but most times if you ask for what you want you won’t have to leave. You’ll find that by figuring out your own negotiation style people will respect you more. Here’s what the book had to say:

“What caught my attention most in analyzing my data was the answer to a numerical question. I asked women leaders, “Assuming a woman’s career success equals 100 percent what percentage is accounted for by her effectiveness in negotiating and pushing back?….The executives I met with felt, on average, that a full 60 percent of a woman’s career success hinges on her pushback skills.”

I am telling you, THIS IS YOUR LIFE. We don’t know what happens after this life. As far as science tells us this is YOUR ONE KNOWN SHOT to design your life into the most amazing experience possible. Seize the day.

That means you (ladies) need to take the reins of your life. You are directing the show. This is YOUR time to take control of YOUR LIFE and make the changes you want to see.

Turn off that Disney reel in your head. A man will not come in on a horse and buggy and take you off to cindarella-land.

The higher-ups at work don’t go to sleep at night thinking of how they can improve your quality of life. This is up to YOU!

Go get it girl. Make it happen!

And if you want to join my community join other women who are navigating the same journey at Project Enough!

Living the Life You Dream

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Dear Readers

I wanted to formally announce that I currently have a coaching practice. I work with millennials–20 and 30 somethings–who are contemplating change in their careers. Whether it’s a career change, starting your own business or figuring out your own career path within your current company, I provide a roadmap and the tools to get you there.

I bring the clarity and direction to make the positive change you desire in your life.

I help you drive toward your desired destination–now, not some time off in the distant future.

If you’re someone who is looking to make a change in your life, and you’re ready to reach higher ground, you might consider working with me.

Who wants to do everything alone? Not me! You shouldn’t have to either. We ask the important questions, and together we find the right solutions. We make it simple, and we make it fun.

Here is a testimonial from one of my coaching clients Meagan H. who works in healthcare.

Because this was on LinkedIn, she lists top qualities: “Personable, Good Value, High Integrity.”

“Blake has provided some very thoughtful insights on how I can develop as a young professional. She has both a keen intuition and a well-developed knowledge base on what are effective steps for young women to achieve a lifestyle of success.”

Interested in a complimentary chat? Email me your phone number and I will be happy to call you. [email protected]

8 Steps for a Restorative Meditation

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Just like on an airplane if the plane is going down and you don’t have oxygen there is no way you’re able to provide oxygen masks to other people.

It’s just the way this world works. At the same time if we [women] don’t schedule in specific “me” time, we are leaving ourselves vulnerable to meltdowns, panic attacks and other not fun human stuff. If we continuously take care of ourselves, when life throws a curve ball we are better able to manage the situation.

Instead of volunteering to do everything for everyone else [ladies I'm looking at you] use that time to give yourself some special treatment. When we decide it’s ok to let go of being Miss Perfect, and we let others volunteer to do things, somehow the work still gets done.

For many years I was against meditation. I thought that I would never be able to actually sit still for that long, and I didn’t understand why anyone would want to. I was a woman on the move, and like a shark I thought if I stopped moving I would sink.

I’m not sure at what point I started doing meditation, but like a happy puppy it just kept following me around–urging me to give it a chance. At a certain point I caved. Now I use meditation throughout my day as a way to counter stress and the wild mind that is always on the up and up. Meditation is now my secret tool I pull out whenever I’m having a trying moment or day that feels out of control. And it works.

The big secret about meditation is it is incredibly restorative and healing. A 5 minute meditation can feel like a 45 minute Swedish Massage. I notice that when I meditate every day I have more discipline over my behavior. I am better able to control my mind and my actions. I am better able to keep my life organized. I have more clarity on my future path.

I find that post-meditation everything I do comes with greater ease. Ideally the meditation is paired with regular exercise, but even the meditation without the exercise can be a powerful change in your day (and your week).

If you’re unsure how to meditate, here are some beginner tips to get you started. If two minutes is all you can do that is absolutely fine. It’s all about starting where you are.


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8 Steps to A Restorative Meditation:

1. Set an alarm clock for 5-8 minutes. There are peaceful meditation alarm apps for your iphone or ipad with eastern sounding bells.
2. Find a comfortable spot on the floor or in a chair. You can sit cross legged on the floor or on a pillow with your back straight, or you can lay down on the floor with your body relaxed. Some people do walking meditations–and if you’re interested in that you can read more about it here. For the sitting meditation make sure you don’t have anything distracting your position.
3. Close your eyes and notice your breath. Is it in your throat? Take a few deep breaths until you feel you have achieved the deep breath that releases some of the toxins floating around in your body. This is a deep belly breath. Let it all go.
4. This is the portion where we begin an internal body scan. Begin by moving your focus inside of your body and start scanning down your body. Move your focus from your head down to your heart, your lungs, your belly, down through your hips, your quads, your knees, into your calves and down into your feet. There is no right answer for the order in which you scan your organs. The point of this portion is to get your focus out of your head–moving the energy into your body. If you like, choose one organ to focus your energy on.
5. Feel free to use this time to also imagine nature. Many times I imagine water–as I feel a strong tie to the ocean. I do some visual imagery to heal the stress that is happening in a particular part of my body. I find the ocean to be restorative, relaxing and cleansing.
6. Feel free to imagine a calm scene. For me it’s laying in the sun in a small isolated beach in Kauai that I once visited as a young girl. Perhaps for you it’s in nature, or another calm venue.
7. If you are getting distracted by a worry-wart mind, calm your mind by greeting the thoughts that bubble up. Invite them to the table. Set them free. These thoughts are not necessarily you. These thoughts are just the mind doing what it does. Don’t internalize these thoughts. Let them float away.
8. As you wrap up your meditation come back to your physical body by wiggling your toes. Move your legs a little and your arms. Feel free to stretch a little if that feels comfortable for you.

The meditation should leave you feeling restored, calm and clear.

Western people spend most of their time in their heads. This is a dangerous way to live your life. We are entire walking ecosystems–and we limit ourselves by only tapping into the potential of our mind. Not our entire bodies.

If you want to find a business reason to meditate, understand that most of the answers that we need are inside of us. Being more connected to your body will un-clutter the information that you’re looking for.

Anytime you are feeling stressed you can take 30 seconds to close your eyes and take a deep breath. I promise the more you do this, the easier it gets and the bigger the spiritual rewards.

What is your experience with meditation? Does it help you? Do you loathe it? Please share your comments below.

Mastering Life Change, the Infographic

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How well you adjust to change will determine your ability to be successful.

Change can be a friend or foe depending on your willingness to stay flexible and open-minded. When you get too comfortable in your ways, it becomes harder to adjust to new life circumstances. You can make change your best friend by being aware of your own experience throughout the “change process.” Being self-aware is going to be your best weapon in business, and in life.

In this economy in particular, we all need to look at the landscape and see the opportunities, not the statistics.

Last week I wrote a post called 9 Steps to Mastering a Life Change.

Below is the mastering life change infographic we’ve created for you at Artemis.

It is during the darkest times you need to be the most agile, focused and confident. Get support, research answers and believe in yourself. Anything is possible!

Five Tips For Women On Boosting Your Confidence

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I am a fan of the type of confidence that is humble; a quiet strength that needs no announcement.

Confidence comes from following a path in step with your passion. Confidence comes from true belief in oneself and one’s work. You know what you are building is powerful–you continue down that path even in the face of skepticism.

Whether you are a female entrepreneur or working your way up the corporate ladder in your job, confidence is essential to moving forward.

Confidence is a funny thing. Some of the most seemingly confident people are actually quite insecure, but have become very good at managing their own fears. While physically looking the part can help, true confidence comes from the inside. It comes from your core. And unshakable confidence is something developed over time (for most of us).

Below are five tips that will help you boost your confidence and help prepare you for any situation.

Five Results-Proven Tips for Female Confidence Building

1. Whisper sweet nothings to yourself. We talk about empathy in the business world, but what about empathy toward ourSELVES?  I encourage you to talk to yourself the way you talk to your favorite pet. How do you react when your pet falls down? Do you swear at your pet? Probably not. That being said, you should be as gentle with yourself as you are with your pet. Or think about how you would talk to a best friend if she were to fall down. It is said that what you believe will eventually come true. If you believe you aren’t enough you won’t go as far. This is true because if you think you aren’t enough you won’t push yourself as far as you would if you thought you could achieve anything. You won’t go for that opportunity, job or guy you think you really deserve. It starts with how you talk to yourself. I want to hear sweet nothings ladies! I want to hear self love from the roof tops!

2. Prepare, prepare, prepare. Confidence comes from preparation. Albert Einstein once said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Let’s use surfing as an example. If you’ve never surfed before, and you take your board out and you can’t stand up–of course your confidence will take a hit. But if you practice on the beach for a while before you go out there, and study up with some other surfers, your confidence levels will improve. You know you’ve got some tools in your surfer belt to be successful. Get it? Make it easier on yourself by heading out to the waves with the right amount of preparation.

3. Move. I honestly don’t know where I would be without the ability to sweat. Probably on a curb somewhere. Every single day I wake up and go move my body. It gets my chemicals flowing and puts me in a positive place. While I try and abstain from talking about exercise on Facebook, the truth is it’s a really important part of my day. I run with my dog Athena constantly. Running is a great way to get rid of toxic energy. Additionally you get some of the best ideas when you’re running. Take your dog if you can. If you hate to run (like my boyfriend does) I don’t care if it’s aerobics, jumping on your bed, or kung-fu–get out of bed and get moving. You will notice how much better you feel about yourself.

4. Follow your passion. When you focus on the aspect of your job that you love you’re enthusiasm will clearly shine through. If you don’t love anything about your job, you should probably quit. Life is too short. When you talk about why you love what you do, and why it’s personally meaningful, people around you start to light up too. That said even if taking out the trash is your favorite part of your job, find one thing that lights you up and talk about it. People are attracted to other people who are lit up!

5. Everything you do, do your best. Do you know people who try hard at everything they do? Some people call this a Type A personality or a perfectionist. I have been called a Type A before, although in no way do I see myself as that. I just can’t stomach the idea of not trying. Trust me there are days when I feel that way and I have to talk myself into trying (harder). We all hate to lose, and winning comes from truly applying your focus to everything you do. You’ve got one chance. Make it count!

What can you add to this list? What helps make you feel confident? Please feel free to comment below and share with me.