Successful people go do what they know in their heart of hearts is the right thing without a “permission slip.” This permission comes from an internal unshakable belief in themselves.
Women must realize that they will never be given the permission slip they are waiting for. Being liked will not bring success. The media tells women (and society at large) that well-behaved, manicured and quiet women who don’t take up space will be rewarded.
This is a big fat lie. The media continues to tell women that being liked, being pretty and being thin will bring unconditional love. The truth is unconditional love from others starts with unconditional love for oneself. Women need to start a revolution of self-love. When this happens our entire cultural landscape will shift. When women make a radical decision of self-love the media will no longer have the hold over women and girls that it does. The messages that women need to fit into a specific (unachievable) ideal will be obsolete. Advertisers will finally be frowned upon for perpetuating these myths about women in their messaging.
How Women Climb Ladders (Corporate and otherwise)
Often when you do something innovative or new, people resent you for it. You must continue moving forward despite criticism from skeptics–and I promise you there will be people who do not “like” it. Leaders (like Steve Jobs) innovate despite criticism from others.
How can more women start acting like Steve Jobs, and less like Kate Hudson’s character from “How to Lose A Guy In Ten Days”?
Leadership opportunities go to those who step up to lead. No one can make you a leader. You must see yourself as a leader first. I wonder what this world would look like if women stepped up. If women had unshakable belief in their abilities. If women spent their time going after what they wanted instead of obsessing over their looks and who liked them. Today is the day. I hereby grant you permission to go after what you want.
I want women to come home to themselves. I want women to give themselves permission slips to live the lives they want on their own terms. I want women to realize that the princess Disney trope doesn’t bring happiness, wealth or well-being. I want women to slip themselves the permission slip to live outloud.
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I’m waiting for this to turn into a book!
well said!
Thank you so much! Actually it’s my dream to write a book, just need to get to work on that :-]
What a beautiful message of empowerment. Unfortunately, we still have a long way to go because society has drummed it into feminine heads that we must care about being liked first. It’s made more difficult when women go to the opposite extreme and try to become “bitches on wheels” in order to be respected. I agree with you about Steve Jobs….you can be polite but unwavering…..leadership is about inspiring…not knocking folks over the head to make them submit to your will.
I think a lot of the hardwork will have to come from our side of the fence because I see women perpetuate these problems on a daily basis. We need to demand more from each other, to stop making media trash like Cosmopolitan our bible, to be supportive and give a hand up to those young women who come behind us, to be mentors with something worthwhile to share.
We are the ones who can turn the tables on the media….stop supporting entities who thrive in portraying us as one dimension numbnuts. We can protest by witholding our dollars; we can stop agreeing to portray women in a negative light in print, video, audio media as business women, actresses, producers, models, etc. Wherever there is an opportunity to put a stop to this, we should exercise it.
Hi Renee
Thank you so much for your comments. I completely agree, and that is the thought behind Project Enough. https://www.facebook.com/ProjectEnough
Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I guess the question is, what are we going to do today to make this cultural shift?
Blake
Hi Blake!
At the risk of being redundant, I would do exactly as I stated before in my last comment. BTW, I liked Project Enough….fantastic!!
Thanks Renee!!!! That’s awesome
Really? We’re STILL talking about “giving ourselves permission” and “loving ourselves unconditionally”? We’re STILL talking about “media stereotypes”? C’mon, ladies, this is 2012, not 1972–which is when I first had this discussion.
Now, I’m a dame (think Rosalind Russell), who is working with her daughters and other girls to give them the tools to be dames as well. There are no shortage of fine examples from Olympic athletes to Captain(esses) of Industry, no shortage of avenues and trails to set the feet of girls upon. Stop whining and, as Nike says, “Just DO it!”
Denise,
I will have to take issue with you here….from one dame to another. There are many, many women who are unduly influenced by the media/society/et al. Most do not have strong female figures to emulate or be mentored by. Our daughters are the exception, not the rule to think otherwise is to have your head in the sand. There are women who actually tweeted this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/13/chris-brown-can-beat-me-tweets_n_1273605.html or better yet….http://www.sodahead.com/living/aurora-killer-develops-a-fan-base-on-twitter-another-sign-of-social-decline/question-2824441/
I think today’s young women are more lost than ever and that’s because they do not have the guidance that they should. They are in TROUBLE because THEY have become their own worst enemy. Their consciousness needs to be raised the way that mine was in the 70s…they are clueless about how ridiculous they are behaving…shocking but true. If they do not have enough sense to respect themselves….how can they expect to ever make it in life much less the boardroom. I think we have to get back to the basics because what we have is a fundamental problem that won’t easily be resolved.
Hi Denise
I think if you really believe we don’t need to encourage women and girls in 2012, you are gravely mistaken. I’d be curious to know what your experience is–what industry you’re in, if you have daughters–and what has made you come to the conclusion that talking about giving permission is something of the 70s. Have you turned on the TV lately or listened to the radio? Do you watch MTV? I would encourage you to watch this trailer, and then consider if girls/women still need words of encouragement or not. http://vimeo.com/28066212
Hi Denise — there are fine examples of women who did not let the withholding of permission to succeed keep them from doing. But I guarantee that there were those who tried to stop their independence, their unique views of the world.
Examples of women not influenced by the photo-shopped images of Cosmo, Newsweek, etc. do not abound — and it is generally not these fine examples that spring to the mind of most of my generation, let alone my daughter’s. Throughout my 35 year career in the finance and government industries I’ve been advised to “be a good girl” — shut up, put up, put out, dumb down your expertise, give credit to the man above you….On and on. It was only striking out on my own that my work is beginning to be valued as MY contribution, MY value to the world. We DO have to give ourselves, and our daughters, permission to shine. Because there are plenty of people who still insist that the value of women lies in their looks and not in their abilities. Bravo Blake — let’s build a crescendo of voices until we shout out the doubt, build up the confidence in ourselves, our daughters, our mothers, our sisters to reach deep into themselves to bring their true selves to the world. What a better world that will be for all of us, women and men, to live in!
Debbie, thank you for your comments. I believe deep down even the women who claim we all need to stop whining are going through their own struggles, so I don’t judge them either. But I think women like you–women who are aware of the injustices, the gender inequalities, the sheer insanity that happens around the hypersexualization and degradation of women–will absolutely move the needle, and pave the way for younger generations. This was what Gloria Steinem said–she wanted young women to feel ungrateful, so they would go ahead and be the next generation to make this planet a better place, so they would move the needle. I get a lot of encouragement from female baby boomers who see what’s happening today with younger women–compared to the five years after 1971, and they feel scared. Why are young women today participating in this culture of hypersexualization, without even second guessing it. Thank you for your sincere comments. They are appreciated.