Did you know that one in four women is on some kind of anti-depressant medication? To me that’s a major red flag about women’s mental health in this country.
I believe most women have struggled with anxiety and depression at some point in her life. I certainly did when I was living in New York. I was in a job where I felt very stuck. I was living paycheck to paycheck trying to keep up. I wasn’t sleeping and like many other sleep-desperate insomniacs would resort to sleeping pills. They left me feeling groggy and hung over.
Many nights I was up until 5am, then I would get up at 7am to run.
I look back at the girl that I was and I feel sad. I feel sad that so many other women suffer from anxiety and depression–two sides of the same coin.
Anxiety and depression result from a feeling of hopelessness. I didn’t have any mentors, let alone female mentors. I didn’t know where to go for career advice, finance advice, life direction advice or guy advice.
The medication helped for a little while, but the medication wasn’t what eventually helped me heal from what I was really running from.
Medication does not help you find the direction you seek in your life. Medication can’t tell you you’re on the wrong career path. Medication can’t help you build up better self esteem.
I’ve been off medication for a few years now and through a lot of soul searching, some great teachers and wonderful mentors, I’m back on a clear path I feel very good about. I no longer lose sleep.
For so many of you out there that suffer in silence, I would encourage you to ask for help. Feelings of depression can stop people from asking for help, but I want women to feel ok about asking. I want women to feel ok about admitting they’re scared, they don’t have the answers, or they need more emotional support than they’re getting.
Here are some of the things I encourage you to do if you are experiencing anxiety and depression, and you’d like to get help:
1. Find a good therapist, even if you can’t currently afford it. Ladies we spend a lot of money on our nails, our hair, our clothes and our gym membership. Having strong mental health is more important than any of these services. I would strongly encourage you to find a therapist by looking at reviews online, or even asking for a recommendation from a friend. It’s very important to have someone to unload on each week that isn’t your mom.
2. Find a career coach. When I wanted to leave my job I had no clue about how I would ever transfer my skill set into another career. I wish I had sought support rather than just keep myself busy so I didn’t have to think about it. If you can’t find a career coach, set up a dozen phone calls with women who you think are interesting, and are in roles that you would want to be in. Find out how they got there. This will help you feel much better and give you some strong ideas on how to move forward in your own career.
3. Watch who you spend your time with, how much you shop, and how much you drink. For some reason in New York City getting wasted every night isn’t considered being an alcoholic. It’s a very social city, there’s a fine line between social drinking and abuse. When you’re feeling lost, taking time for yourself can mean the world to your recovery and growth. Rather than spending time out drinking, seek out networking events–especially groups of other women who are in a similar demographic to you. You’ll feel much less alone when you see how many other women are in the same boat as you. Find a support group. I used to attend Weight Watchers meetings every week. I enjoyed the support group, and the opportunity to vent in a safe space.
I believe women turn to medication because we take on too much trying to be the perfect girl. We are taught never to complain, and to always keep up appearances. Office politics and culture challenges can leave us feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and hopeless. Whether you’re jobless, stuck in a job you hate, or an entrepreneur trying to find her footing–you’re not alone! We all experience feelings of anxiety and sadness time to time–but when it’s crippling your ability to thrive, you might want to stop and evaluate what’s happening.
And I’m here for you.
Yet again, fabulous post Blake! I can completely relate with where you were. A year and a half ago I moved from Las Vegas to the Isle of Man (where? <- exactly!). Since my move I've been all over Europe (shopping and eating my way through) and life has never been better. On the other hand, it rains 85% of the time here and I've never been so far from my family. I have days where I feel so down (completely out of character for me). Focusing on becoming the 'best me', resting when I need it, and reminding myself to enjoy the now have all helped a ton! Thanks for sharing your story with us :] *Hugs K
Kristalina
Thank you so much for all your supportive comments. I’ve always moved around for personal growth and the career I wanted for myself (I had dreams of working in the big fancy magazine world until I realized the big fancy magazine world wasn’t so fancy). That being said you sacrifice a lot when you start over all the time including relationships (friends/family etc). I’ve always been somewhat of a recluse bathing in the time I had for myself as a kid wandering through bookstores, watching movies, listening to music, journalling–but I’ve realized it’s so important for people with introvert tendencies to get out there and connect with new people. It takes an effort–esp. with how cozy we are at our computers, but can truly make a measurable difference in overall life happiness. I work on this every day. Thanks again for your readership-and your honesty about your own story. It takes a strong woman to make herself so vulnerable. XX
Excellent, insightful and self-aware post. it’s amazing how little time women spend giving of themselves but not giving TO themselves. This becomes even more important as you start a family and have little ones where you want and need to model the behavior you hope they grow into as adults. I had my own self-realization period about a year ago and prior to that, I didn’t realize how toxic my work environment and certain individuals were to my sense of well-being. So many women don’t highlight these struggles so when you are in them, you feel completely alone. Connectedness with self and with other strong women as mentors can support you through!
Jennifer,
Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I just read an article today in Jezebel about how TV makes girls feel bad about themselves and hurts their self-esteem. http://jezebel.com/5914173/tv-makes-girls-feel-like-crap-about-themselves-but-does-wonders-for-white-boys. I do blame the media largely for the way many women don’t value anything that doesn’t improve their looks. For example, the beauty industry is a multibillion dollar industry, and even our beloved Tina Fey sells hair products as a spokesperson in TV commercials. Whether it’s a toxic work environment–as you mentioned–or the other forces of influence in our lives such as TV and the media, we need to build up strong bullshit meters to ward off the forces that benefit from living under our skin. I want to see more depictions of real women on TV and in the media. And hopefully–with the influence and power the media holds over our lives–it will inspire more women to be more self-aware. But I don’t believe we can depend on these forces to change the opportunities for women in our society, and we need to do this for ourselves.
This is a good post, and you are spot on in pointing out that it’s a red flag that so many women in the US suffer from anxiety and depression. I’m one of them. I’ve suffered from my depression my whole life, and have been in therapy on and off for several years. I’m finally, for the first time, beginning to explore anti-depressants because I’ve realized that this isn’t temporary and isn’t something I can fix by positive thinking or having a good support network; it’s a neurological disorder that needs treatment. (I don’t know that this is true for everyone, but it’s becoming clearer that it’s true for me.)
I think it’s crucial that we de-stigmatize mental health, especially for young women. Just the way that I think more moms need to be open about post-partum and the difficulties of being a parent, I think women need to speak up about depression and anxiety disorders. Unfortunately, they’re more “normal” than otherwise, and I think a lot of women blame themselves for not being good enough instead of recognizing that it’s all in their heads.
Thanks for writing this.
Laura,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. I personally have grappled with writing so honestly on the internet, but when women come up to me and tell me thank you I’ve been through the same thing, it just inspires me to keep sharing honest accounts of my own life.
I remember when I started taking anti-depressants I felt very conflicted about it because in our society to have a “broken mind” is seen as the worst kind of weakness. But part of our chemical make-up has to do with a lot of things such as genetics, childhood trauma and other factors.
A friend who has also suffered from major depression her whole life told me over dinner, if you were walking around with a broken leg you would go to the dr. and get it fixed. With your mind it’s the same thing. And that did make me feel better about relying on medication.
In all honesty when I started taking wellbutrin–an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication–my whole life changed. I could focus, I was calmer, I could think more clearly than I could ever remember–and the quality of my work changed, my relationships, and way people reacted to me at the office. I even lost weight and felt really good about that as well. However, over time the drug stopped working and I just felt scared because I was crying all the time.
I decided I didn’t want to be on medication anymore and with the support of my boyfriend I got off the meds. I started therapy, did much more yoga and basically started a massive research project into myself–why I had depression, anxiety–>childhood. The whole shebang. I don’t know why I waited so long to go to therapy. It also took a few tries to find the right therapist for me.
Suffering from depression is not something to feel ashamed of. We all go through different periods in our lives, and especially for women, our moods are cyclical. Depression can feel like the end of the world but for me I was able to turn my sadness into anger, and then into action. I stopped feeling ashamed, and am now channeling that energy toward healing/helping other women.
But at the same time every single day I have to take care of myself, my spirit and my mind. That’s also why I prefer to work for myself. During a day job you can’t exactly get up and say, sorry I need to breathe in and out very emphatically ten times so I can focus now. You just have to take the time you need to take care of yourself.
I’m always here if you want to talk. Always always.
Blake
I’ve seen progression in every post. Your newer posts are simply wonderful compared to your posts in the past. Keep up the good work.
Natural remedies to treat depression
I was feeling tight-chested so was researching on anxiety and Google directed me here. =)
I’m happy to say that I’m recovering well from anxiety. At its worst, my whole body shakes and I constantly worry if I will be kidnapped when I’m walking alone. I basically became a worrywart, which was ridiculous because I used to be such a carefree gal. Nothing used to bother me too much.
I was only aware that what I have is anxiety after a year plus of suffering. I decided to quit a job that I felt stucked in. I also cut off contact with people who are draining me, took up yoga and volunteer in causes that I believe in. Now I dare say I’m 90% to full recovery. Most days I feel okay except when some comments/ events trigger something and I’ll feel my throat or chest tightens up again. I’m adamant about finding the root cause of my anxiety so that I can feel absolutely free again!
Like you said, we need to take the time we need to take care of ourselves.
I’m currently just working part-time…enough to pay for my expenses and allow me time to just relax. Sometimes I feel guilty because I’m not working hard enough but I tell myself to give myself the time to recover, medicine-free. It will be worth it!